Love Languages, People’s Common Misconceptions in Marriage and Relationships

Knowing one's love language and each other's can bring marriage and relationship to a whole new different level.

Love language was a concept born 30 years ago, introduced by Pastor Gary Chapman. While counseling couples, he noticed patterns and recognized that problems surfaced in marriage and relationships due to the couple's misunderstanding of each other's needs.

He wrote a book summarizing people's love languages in five different ways, encouraging couples to understand and utilize these love languages to show and express to their parents their love and care in ways that speak volumes and depth to the other's hearts.

"The idea is that by learning what your partner's love languages are you're able to better speak directly to their heart and make them feel loved, make them feel appreciated and make them feel connected. And when you know your own love language, you're able to ask for the types of things you need to feel loved, appreciated and accepted," explained Jodie Milton, relationship and intimacy coach at Practical Intimacy.

What are love languages?

In Chapman's book entitled "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate," he enumerated the five most common ways people give and receive love.

1. Words of Affirmation

This love language is all about expressing affection and feelings through spoken words, affirmation, praise and compliment, and even encouragement. Someone whose love language is this feels the most loved when given love letters or text messages, in this generation's equivalent, or when they receive a compliment in the middle of the day.

2. Quality Time

Someone with this love language wants full, undivided attention. They feel most loved when time is spent with them, being present while with them, and actively listening to them.

3. Physical Touch

This is more than sex, as Very Well Mind emphasized. People with this love language feel most loved when their hands are held, cuddled with, and given tight embraces or a massage at the end of the day.

4. Acts of Service

This is doing nice things for the partner. They will feel most loved when they are helped with the errands or in the kitchen. They are on cloud nine when car doors are opened for them, restaurant chairs are pulled out for them, or when they are helped with a project or their current activity.

5. Receiving Gifts

Someone with this love language loves not only receiving gifts but also giving gifts. They treasure not only the gifts but also the moment, the effort, and the giver.

Read More: Love languages quiz: Understand how to make your family feel loved

Correcting the common misconceptions

Love languages, like love, have many nuances, declared Today. Thus, for couples to better understand their own and each other's love languages, the news outlet reached out to relationship experts so that they could correct the most common misconceptions surrounding it.

1. The two people in marriage or the relationship need not have the same love languages.

Just like how your personality is different from each other, so are each other's love languages. No matter how in sync the couple is, their love languages can still differ.

2. Couples do not prioritize and spend enough time learning about their partner's love languages.

The other's love languages are as important as one's own. As they say, "It takes two to tango," thus, both should prioritize discovering and recognizing each other's love languages.

3. Gifts don't have to be expensive.

It is, indeed, the thought and the effort that count. Gifts can come in all shapes, sizes, and monetary amounts, yet they can have the same priceless worth to the partner whose love language is receiving gifts.

5. The other person in the relationship does not always know what one wants to hear.

No one is a mind reader, including the other person in the relationship. One needs to be upfront and honest about the words and statements that make the most impact and make one's heart skip a beat.

6. Sexual intimacy is not equivalent to physical touch.

Milton points out that sexual intimacy should be the sixth love language. According to author and love and relationship expert Adora Winquist, the desire for physical touch is mostly satisfied by "small, everyday gestures," like a back rub after a long day or a random holding hands moment.

7. Love languages can change as time goes by.

Love languages evolve through time and so consistent, open communication about one's love language should be a priority.

8. One gives and receives love differently.

How one wants to receive from their partner can differ from how one gives love to the partner.

Related article: Is Your Child's Love Language Physical Touch?