Guiding Your Kids Through Disappointment: What to Do When Your Ex-Husband Skips Visits Post-Divorce

By Lucia Paula , Parent Herald Oct 06, 10:50 am

Photo: (Photo : Philippe Murray-Pietsch on Unsplash)

Divorce can be a challenging transition for families, particularly for children who have to adjust to a new normal. One of the most heartbreaking situations that may arise post-divorce is when an ex-spouse consistently misses scheduled visits, leaving children feeling abandoned and confused.

As a parent, it's natural to feel a myriad of emotions, from anger to sadness. However, the key lies in helping your child navigate these feelings constructively. Here are some strategies to guide your child through such disappointments:

What To Do When Your Ex-Husband Skips Child Visits Post-Divorce

Open the Lines of Communication:
First and foremost, maintain an open line of communication with your child. Ask them about their feelings without leading them to any particular sentiment. Let them express their sadness, anger, confusion, or even indifference. Validating their feelings can provide a safe space for them to vent and process their emotions.
Avoid Bad-Mouthing Your Ex:
While it's tempting to express your frustrations about your ex-spouse, especially when they skip visits, avoid badmouthing them in front of the kids. Children often internalize negative comments about a parent as an indictment of themselves.
Create Consistent Routines:
Routines can provide a sense of stability for children in turbulent times. If a visit gets canceled, having a consistent routine to fall back on can be reassuring. Whether it's a movie night, a walk in the park, or some other activity, consistency will give your child a sense of security.
Seek Counseling:
Consider seeking counseling for your child if they're finding it particularly hard to cope. Professional counselors or therapists can provide them with coping strategies and a neutral space to express their feelings.
Reassure Your Child of Their Worth:
A child might interpret the absence of their parent as something they did wrong or as a reflection of their worth. Reiterate that nobody else's actions or decisions determine their value. They need to know they are loved and cherished, irrespective of the other parent's choices.
Plan for Alternative Activities:
If you're aware that a visit might not take place, have a backup plan. Engage in an activity your child enjoys. It could be a day out, a craft project, or baking their favorite cookies. This isn't about replacing the missed visit, but rather redirecting the disappointment into something positive.
Stay Neutral and Stick to Facts:
If your child asks why the other parent didn't show up, be as neutral as possible. Stick to facts without letting your emotions color the narrative. For example, "Dad had some work obligations" is a neutral statement compared to "Dad always prioritizes work over you."
Foster Other Supportive Relationships:
Encourage relationships with other family members or close friends. Having multiple supportive figures can help children understand that many people care for them, even if one parent is absent more often than not.
Review Visitation Plans if Necessary:
If missed visits become a pattern, consider revisiting the custody and visitation agreement. While legal recourse might seem drastic, it's essential to ensure the child's emotional well-being isn't consistently compromised.
Lead by Example:
Children often look to their parents for guidance on how to handle emotions and challenging situations. By handling the situation with grace, understanding, and resilience, you teach your child to do the same.

In conclusion, missed visits post-divorce can be a significant source of pain and confusion for children. As a parent, while you can't control your ex-spouse's actions, you can control the environment and support you provide for your child. With understanding, consistency, and open communication, you can help your child navigate through these disappointments, ensuring they grow up feeling loved, valued, and heard.