Is a "good" divorce possible when couples decide to end a marriage? If there are children involved, how can parents make the life-changing transition a positive one?
No one will likely equate divorce as an affirming experience, as to end a marriage is sad. But it is possible for a separation to be carried out with civility and with the least drama, if only to deliver less trauma for the children. Here's what experts say about getting a "good" divorce.
Set an agreement about finances with the ex. Family lawyer Max Lewis said that money can be indeed the root of evil for divorcing couples. Small problems arise because of it, which can lead to big arguments. "Someone goes to the supermarket and their credit card is declined and it ends up in a big ruckus," he said, according to Telegraph.
Ex-couples need to avoid money squabbles and in order to have a good divorce they have to be forthright about their declaration of assets and liabilities with their former partner. They should be made aware of where things stand financially. These things will still crop up during the divorce proceedings anyway, so it would be pointless to hide the details.
Fighting in front of the children exposes them to too much negativity. According to Psychology Today, it's not the divorce per se that harms the children emotionally but the fight that happens between their parents, regardless if a couple stay married or not.
To make a good divorce work, ex-couples should aim to successfully co-parent and limit the arguments. Flexibility, compromise and communication will be crucial in these trying times, according to family expert Lorraine C. Ladish, via Huffington Post. At best, the adults must learn to pick their battles with the ex and temper their reactions.
Lastly, communicating with older children of divorce might help in having a good divorce. Since kids above 10-years-old might be able to articulate how they feel and understand the situation in a deeper context, parents should not hesitate to talk to them about what's really going on in the family.
If they have questions, these should be answered by the adults with honesty, according to parenting book author M. Gary Neuman, via Parents. Children want the truth from their parents and this is one way of establishing the trust that could help them cope with the changes.
