Divorce is a painful experience at all times. It leaves wounds in people's hearts, unforgiveness and bad memories that never fade. After divorce, there is always a vacuum that is left where one feels the need of a spouse to share out worries and hurts, help to heal and to move on with life once more like a complete family.
When these thoughts come into one's mind, the idea of remarrying comes in. Parents with kids are also affected and getting married again with kids is at times confusing and hard to make a sober decision. For one, the kids may not be well aware of the reasons that made their parents to leave each other, then all of a sudden, it happens that a new father will assume the role of a father and they start living together as a family.
Remarriage after divorce can be exciting and most likely the most fulfilling life ever. This is because the person remarrying will look for ways to avoid any chances of fighting where they never agreed with the previous Spouse. Once all the hitches have been mended, you will have a stress free life and most likely live a life that is a role model life and mainly if the kids accept the move.
However, for remarriage after divorce to be a perfect marriage, there are several reasons that one ought to learn and put into consideration before making the critical decision.
1. Dating
This is an essential aspect of life. It is a time that you meet your Spouse, get to know each other, understand their weaknesses and know how to manage each one of them.
Despite being in love, marrying again is a lifetime commitment. With this in mind, a couple who is anticipating to marry need to spend four years after the first divorce. This will give a chance for them to heal from the past hurts and move on to a new relationship.
The perfect time to date would be approximately two years, with the new love before settling together as a family.
Some claims that It's highly advisable not to rush into a relationship after divorce. Allow yourself to heal and avoid any shortcuts that may be informed of new relationships which would only be a temporary solution but later mess you up.
2. Consider Kids Feelings before remarrying.
As you make this critical decision, it is wise to remember that you are entering into a stepfamily and when remarrying with children, know that there are feelings that they experience from their past life. As dating takes its course, the children may remember the memories they had with their parents before the divorce. Could be they were good memories, and they seem to withhold from the new dating of their parents. As such, it is important to manage them and get to know what the best option for them is. Allow room for a smooth transition that will give them peace too.
3. Learn to manage the sensitive issues once you settle with the new Spouse.
The new life, home, and family may be one of the best experiences that the children may have ever had. But remember that there are still times they enjoyed good tidings from their biological parents and as such, as they adjust to the new life, give them an allowance to make decisions, to open up to a new family and adopt.
If you permit them to be free to love, then they will also own up that this is the family of their choice and will respect the new relationship.
As a man, if you marry a woman with a child, know that you have agreed to love the child as your own. Do not show him/her that she is less important than your biological children as this will cause a lift even to call you a father.
Do not betray the stepchildren at all costs and your new relationship will flourish if the children get the attention they deserve from both sides.
Give them time to adjust, learn and accommodate their step-siblings and if you take the lead in showing them love; they too will adjust in a short while.
4. Understand the barriers in remarrying
Every relationship has its uniqueness, and a new bond after divorce also has its challenges.
To overcome such challenges, it's essential to understand the challenges involved in relationships and look for ways to mitigate them.
For instance, how will you handle the children after coming together? Will you sacrifice their freedom for marriage? What barriers prevented you from excelling in your past wedding? This is some of the questions one should think about before making that critical decision.
5. How to handle yourselves if you remarry and you are singles.
This happens to be one of the stress-free relationships because you are not carrying any burden from the past marriage. However, you have to take care of the new relationship. For instance, your divorce may have been as a reason for not bearing children.
Before you decide to have a new family once again, it's important to be open and communicate to your Spouse to be about your state.
His intention may be different, and you might find yourself in the same situation that led to the separation of the first marriage.
6. Give room for opinion to your Spouse regarding your children.
In as much you would expect fan at home with the new parenting arrangement, a step-parent will have a different opinion of a child about a biological parent. For example, you can expect your biological child to hug you and speak all the beautiful things after work in the evening contrary to a stepchild who may withdraw from such sentiments.
Once you get married, learn your partner and give time to adjust until their lives are fully fixed to one another.
7. Engage the spirit of Teamwork.
As you plan for the next action in a new marriage, it's good to keep in mind that Teamwork will always lead to success in every aspect of your life. With this in mind, focus on communicating with your Spouse in terms of how you will bring up the children, how the finances will be used.
Do not be self-centered and decide that your finances belong to you and your biological children. This will only add insult to the injury and cause more pain to the new marriage which may not last if you engage at such a level.
Therefore as you plan for second marriage with a child, know that the child will belong to two parents and not as single as you have been. Both of you will discuss any decision about the children. This will open a way to a smooth transition and open new trust to the parents and the Children through proper planning beforehand.
8. Ensure you communicate to your children that you are getting remarried.
Once you have dated and agreed to move on with the new married, let your children know about your plan to have a family once again. This will assist them in accepting that they are now part of a new family and they will not feel left out in decision making.
Once you start living together, it's essential for the biological parent of each of the children to maintain the discipline of the children whom they have entered into the marriage with.
This will ensure that as the step-parent takes the role of developing the child, he will know that he or she is developing a well-disciplined child.
As you communicate to them about your intention to get married again, let them know the reasons for such, for instance, let them know that it has been long since their biological parent left them and they need to move on.
They should also know that it is not a crime to have a new family so that their sad times can be erased in their minds.
9. Enter into the remarriage with new expectations and an open mind on how to handle challenges.
One thing every Spouse should know is that there are ups and downs in every marriage. Rebuilding a new friendship from an experience of past hurts can be a challenge.
Before entering into a relationship, research and research wisely. Navigate the right things and be a man or woman of character. Remarrying after divorce with children requires both spouses to be patient with each other, and ensure that your second marriage even with children will be a thing to celebrate and cherish.
But one thing is a must; patience with the stepchildren, and tolerance for their character until you understand one another.
Conclusion.
The spouses determine marriage. A stepmother can decide to love the stepchildren without any limitations and so will the stepfather do. If you have solved any differences that exist between you as a couple, then the children will follow suit and learn to solve the problems too on their own.
Finally, let the new family know that there is the hope of having a happy life altogether. Allow your children to go to school together, play along and develop new talents together.
This will form a strong foundation for the new relationship as a family.
