Love is a powerful force that binds two people together. However, love isn't the glue that holds a failing marriage together. People change, feelings falter, and even relationships break down. The bitter reality of today's modern world seems to be a collection of failed marriages, broken families and a traumatic home environment. In unfortunate cases of divorce, it is not only the two estranged individuals suffer. Their child does, too.
Whatever the reason for the divorce, chances are, child custody law has determined what type of custody the couple and the children will experience. Joint custody awards the rights and privileges of both parents to the child at separate times. Although it seems straightforward, it is confusing for the child when it comes to the values and morals set by both parents. To guide you in this daunting journey, we've compiled a list of smart strategies so that you and your ex-partner succeed at co-parenting.
1. Separate Your Feelings From Your Behavior
Divorce is a rough patch to mend in a person's life. Imagine having to wake up with resentment and hurt to an individual you vowed to love and respect till the end of time. To cope, it's wise to keep in mind that you have done your best and exhausted all means to make the marriage work. It is okay to feel anger and pain from this life experience. However, you also need to be careful not to pass on these negative emotions to your child.
If you feel that negative thoughts are filling up your chest at the thought of communicating with your ex about co-parenting, let it all out through productive means like journal writing, exercising, or setting an appointment with your therapist. Once your emotions are all settled, you can focus on doing co-parenting work for the benefit of your child.
2. Never Put Your Child in the Middle
Feelings don't fade away in a snap. You're going to need a lot of time to heal. The best you can do during this time is to deal with your emotions on your own. Never relay any of your resentment towards your ex to your child. If possible, keep your child away from any of your relationship issues. Any concerns arising from the matter of co-parenting must be addressed directly with your ex. Also, do not try to influence your child in choosing you over the other parent. Your child must build a relationship with them, a bond free of biases and negative connotations.
3. Communicate as Team Players
Past endearments and previous interactions with an ex cannot be relished as you go into separate ways. This transition should not affect your communication. As much as possible, keep your communication style business-like. It should entail respect, friendliness, and neutrality. Address issues in a cooperative manner and do away from sweating the trivial matters. During your meeting with your ex, always listen, and establish parenting consistencies. This will include a schedule for the next visit, rules on household chores, disciplinary actions, and more.
4. Agree to Disagree
As the child grows, more significant changes will happen, and both parents need to compromise to decide on major things. It is crucial to know that trusting your ex with your child is an influencing factor to make the set-up work. Ask for their opinion and respect each one's different side. Do not take it as a personal blow. Matters like medical needs, financial capabilities, and educational concerns should be discussed thoroughly.
Co-parenting will take a toll on both parents' emotional state. With the right guidance from friends or family and the right mindset of doing what's best for the children, it will be a liberating experience that you and your child will benefit from.
