If you're preparing to be a new parent, you may have questions about attachment parenting and whether it's the right option for you. Attachment parenting is a certain philosophy, and it has pros and cons. Some of these are themselves more about the philosophy of this parenting style, while others are logistical concerns.
For example, a key tenant of the attachment parenting style is that you practice babywearing. This may be inconvenient, and you have to be cautious when using infant slings for babies younger than four months of age.
Overall, the following are some of the things to know about attachment parenting and the potential pros and cons that can come with it.
What Is Attachment Parenting?
Attachment parenting is a parenting style that was brought into public consciousness by the book Attachment Parenting, by pediatrician Williams Sears and registered nurse Martha Sears.
There are seven practices that are fundamental to attachment parenting, at least if you follow the guidelines outlined in that book.
These include:
Birth bonding
Breastfeeding
Babywearing
Bedding near the baby
Belief in the baby's cry
Balance and boundaries
Beware of baby trainers
The underlying belief of attachment parenting is that you respond with sensitivity to the needs of your baby. Some of the philosophy comes from Sears' work as a pediatrician and also by looking at the practices of indigenous people.
Attachment parenting puts a lot of emphasis on nurturing connections between parents and their children, with the goal of raising children who grow up to be secure, empathetic, and independent. The objective is that through attachment parenting styles, children can develop both independence and secure relationships when they're adults.
While it may sound somewhat new age-y or far-fetched, many of the elements of attachment parenting are things parents naturally do anyway.
For example, in attachment parenting, you respond to your children's feelings, including tantrums, with sensitivity and within the framework that they should be understood instead of punished.
Nurturing touch starts as soon as a baby is born and continues with things like babywearing, and nighttime parenting means that you might co-sleep if you practice attachment parenting or at least sleep with your baby in your room since sleeping in the same bed with a baby can be dangerous.
Other things that are important are providing constant and loving care and positive discipline.
What Are the Pros of Attachment Parenting?
Some of the pros of attachment parenting might include:
One of the big benefits of attachment parenting is the focus it puts on breastfeeding. Breastfeeding can help your children be healthier, and there is some evidence it can improve IQ scores down the road. Breastfeeding can also be less expensive than formula-feeding, so as long as it's an option for a mother and her baby, it can be a good one.
You're providing your child with loving, consistent care, and that's going to probably help that child grow into a kinder person who understands compassion.
Babies can't communicate with their words, so attachment parenting encourages you to see other things as forms of communication and that can make it somewhat easier to raise a baby. You can learn how to respond to their non-verbal cues more effectively.
A sense of trust can develop between a mother and a child with attachment parenting, and that may end up lasting a lifetime.
Logistically you may spend less money on things like strollers and playpens because the idea is that you are quite literally physically attached to your child.
Research has shown the quality of early attachment can have effects well into adulthood. For example, children with a history of secure attachment may be more likely to develop healthy emotional regulation and have higher self-esteem. Other benefits may be better coping mechanisms and quality friendships and more leadership qualities.
What Are the Cons of Attachment Parenting?
Just as there are upsides of this parenting style, there are also possible downsides.
Attachment parenting can be very time-consuming, and it calls for you to spend essentially all of your time with your child. If you work full-time, it would be nearly impossible to practice attachment parenting, at least in the style of Dr. Sears. In the modern world, children typically have multiple caregivers, and often both parents work full-time jobs. Attachment parenting isn't very reflective of the modern world that we live in today.
You may put too much pressure on yourself if you're trying to follow an attachment parenting approach. You may feel like you have to be perfect and completely follow the principles, or you've failed, and that can create stress for you.
There may be safety concerns related to attachment parenting. For example, it's important to be very safe when baby-wearing and co-sleeping have been linked to sudden infant death syndrome.
Children may become overly dependent on their parents with attachment parenting, or they could use their parenting style to control their parents.
If there aren't people around you who understand or support attachment parenting, you may feel isolated.
Is Attachment Parenting Right For You?
There are certainly good features of takeaways of the attachment parenting philosophy. It's good to be attentive to the needs of your child and work on a nurturing relationship. What a lot of parents should, however, understand is that you can borrow elements of attachment parenting that work for you, combine them with other parenting styles and create your own approach.
As parents, all too often, we try to put so much pressure on ourselves to do everything correctly and especially if we decide on a parenting style want to follow.
Rather than trying to strictly adhere to one style, it can be better to pull bits and pieces of different philosophies to do things in a way that works for you. You can always adjust your style as you need to and want to suit your needs and preferences and those of your child.
