There is no parent who wants to think about their child watching pornography, but unfortunately it does happen. With easy and fast access to internet, the age of exposure is becoming younger and the pornographic images are becoming more disturbing. Dr. Steven Schlozman, the associate director at Massachusetts General Hospitals and the assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School gave his advice about catching a child watching pornography. Here are his advice:
What is the usual age that a child is exposed to pornographic materials?
Dr. Schlozman said that it is getting more difficult to know how kids get exposed to pornography. The ample and relatively easy availability of material that would be considered pornography means that kids can be exposed even at a very young age because of the internet and the content that pops up sometimes are deemed pornographic.
This is also considered a tricky question, because the increased availability of streaming network shows that are appropriately critically celebrated and are not labeled as pornographic may still have some sexually explicit content that is difficult and confusing for children to understand. An example of this is the show Game of Thrones, it is a well-written show and it is critically acclaimed but it features very overwhelming sexual scenes for some kids.
Is it important to find out if it's their first exposure?
According to Dr. Schlozman, for pre-adolescent children, the exposure may be traumatizing, but this depends on the content of the pornography. Some appropriate conversation abut the normalcy of sexuality is useful in decreasing the overall effects of the traumatic experience.
It is also important for parents and for caregivers to remember that sexuality and sexual intimacy are all normal parts of being a human being, and that one of the main issues with pornographic material is that it sets unrealistic standards and it also depicts bad sexual behavior. For older kids, this is worrisome because the graphic nature of pornographic material available on-line can confuse children. They might think that sex is what they are seeing on screen. That means that they will either abstain from real sexual encounters since there is no way that those encounters can mimic what they have seen or they may try to copy it once they get older. In that sense, a more detailed discussion is needed.
Is it important to find out what that have been exposed to?
In a lot of ways, asking questions about what they have seen, especially in detail, can be traumatizing. It is best to ask your child what he or she saw and just make it clear that you are available to discuss it if they have any questions. Also, do not shame your child. Looking at this kind of material is a function of normal curiosity. Helping your kid to understand the differences between what they have seen and what real sex is like is important. Do not demonize sexual intimacy.
How to guide your kids to healthier ways of exploring their curiosity of sexuality?
You got to have that talk. It is never as uncomfortable as parents worry it will be. You can also check with their school to see if there are some curricula in place. Plus there are a lot of books that discuss sex and sexuality in developmentally healthy ways.
Tips for talking to kids about pornography
This can be tricky. Different parents will surely bring different values and concerns to the conversation, but keep in mind the leeway that is necessary in order to meet the most needs possible. For kids that are 5 to 11 years old, it is important that you avoid shaming them. Ask them what they saw and ask them how they feel about what they saw. Tell them that you would like them to let you know if they come across the material again, and tell them that the material is intended for adults and that not all adults are comfortable with that kind of material.
If your child asks questions, answer them honestly. Tell them how babies are made if you are comfortable with this kind of topic. Most will be grossed out by the idea and most will then go about their day without thinking much about what you said until they are older.
