Divorce is a very difficult issue for families to face and deal with effectively. Although it may not be the most pleasant conversation to have with your children, it is still important to talk to them concerning the impending divorce between you and your partner. It is important for you and your partner to sit down and discuss the divorce with your children concerning your custody arrangement.
Custody involves all of you in the family, but your child will be most affected as he or she will be the one who must adjust to living in two different households. A lot of what you say and how you say it depends on the maturity and age of your child as well as the current state of your relationship with your spouse.
Here are some tips on how to approach the conversation about divorce, custody and visitation arrangements with your children.
How to talk to your child about divorce
Make sure that your child knows that both parents love and enjoy spending time with him or her. It is important that your child knows that you and your partner will always be there to give love and support no matter what.
Also, explain the visitation schedule to your child. Your child needs to know that he or she will be spending time with both parents, despite the separation. This explanation will also inform your child when he or she will be seeing you and your partner. Children need certainty and explaining how visitation will work in order to assure him or her. And remember that the more information children have about the changes they will soon encounter, the better they will be able to adapt to them.
Talk about visiting both parents
It is important that you let your child know that he or she is welcome in your home and in your partner's home. It may also help to place your child's personal items in each home or you can set up their own room in each home to help ensure that he or she feels comfortable and welcome in your home as well as the home of your partner.
It is important that you make sure that your child understands that he or she can talk to you or your partner any time. Even though visitation may only happen at set intervals, reassure your child that he or she will always be able to contact either parent should he or she desire to do so.
After telling your child of the custody arrangement, listen to his or her concerns and answer any questions. This arrangement and moving from one home to another will be new for your child. You can expect that he or she will ask you a lot of questions and you need to try to be as honest and forthcoming with your child as possible.
Do not argue with your partner concerning custody in front of your child. If you and your partner work together and operate as a united front, your child will be at ease and will be better able to cope with the new changes. You can also consider counseling. If necessary, you should consider individual or family counseling if emotions are overwhelming or if there are issues about the child moving forward in a healthy manner. Family, support groups and pediatric counselors, or religious leaders may be able to offer the needed support.
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