You're at the end of a tough workweek. You've finished all the errands - the laundry, the cleaning, the cooking and running kids around to various practices - and now it's the weekend. As you drive home, you watch as other couples, unencumbered by the constraints of parenthood, link arms and laugh as they walk into a fancy restaurant.
Why can't you have that same fun? Is parenting really meant to be a 24/7 job? You want a night out with your partner, but you're concerned that leaving your kids behind is not the right idea.
A piece of advice: just do it. Don't worry about leaving your kids behind for an evening, either with a sitter or your parents. They won't mind, and - in fact - it will show them that a meaningful, healthy relationship, like the one you share with your partner, needs a bit of privacy.
The date night ritual is important, not just for young lovers, not just for newlyweds, but for parents as well. Here's why.
Fun Is a Fundamental Part of Being Human
You have fun around your kids, obviously, but it's "kid fun". You joke around about silly stuff, do a few fun crafts and watch (for the umpteenth time) that Baby Shark YouTube video. At a certain point, though, it's time to get away from the kids and have adult fun.
A recent New York Times article outline the popularity of a new sport called "axe throwing". An increasingly trendy date night idea for adults, axe throwing is a way to get out of the house, flex your competitive side with your partner, and relieve a little bit of workweek stress. The company they mention in the article, BATL (the Backyard Axe Throwing League) has locations all over the country, and their sport can be an fun, exciting departure from the typical restaurant date night.
Work on Your Relationship Outside the Context of Kids
Remember a time before kids, when all you had was the two of you? It's not selfish to try and reclaim that relationship every once in a while - in fact, psychologists say it's quite important.
Your relationship when you're around kids is one of caregiving and discipline. On a date night, however, you can refocus on the romantic and emotional aspects of your relationship. Removed from the kids for a night, you get to communicate like adults, to relearn what made you fall in love. Pick somewhere romantic, like a nice restaurant or a scenic walk, and find an activity that brings you closer together, like dancing, or - as mentioned above - axe throwing.
Show Your Kids What a Healthy Relationship Looks Like
Children look to you for the model of what a healthy relationship looks like. If all they see is domesticity and exhaustion, they'll believe that that's all there is to love. Making your date night not just a special occasion but a routine shows them that relationships can be strong and interdependent, capable of fun and whimsy.
A lot of parents, especially new parents, feel held back by a notion that they have to always be around their children. While it's certainly important to spend time as a family (family date night, including going to a movie or a board game café, is always a welcome event), you have to trust them to understand your relationship and take your emotional needs into consideration. Kids are a lot more perceptive than often we give them credit for!
Stress Relief Can Help You Parent Better
An exhausted parent is a suboptimal parent. For you to give your kids the attention and care they deserve, you need to also take care of yourself. Sometimes, that means getting out of the house, away from them, and letting your proverbial hair down.
It isn't talked about enough, but managing kids can be stressful. In addition to all the small tasks they require - cooking, cleaning, transportation, etc. - their boundless curiosity and energy can be... well, taxing. Don't feel bad for needing a night off. A little time spent with your partner, including R&R and excitement, can be the perfect medicine your tired brain needs to wake up tomorrow and be a terrific parent.
If you've ever found yourself dialling the first three digits of a babysitter's number, only to back out at the last second, let this article be a clear decider for you - date night is important. It's necessary to your relationship, it's necessary for showing your kids what a healthy relationship is, and it's necessary for relieving some stress and having a little fun while you're young!
