Becoming a mother is one of the most exhausting roles in a woman's life. Even though it is undoubtedly rewarding, it can still stir up unwanted emotions like anxiety. A lot of mothers find themselves questioning the way that they are taking care of their baby--if they fed their baby too much or too little, if they should sleep through the night or keep an eye on their child, or if they should do anything differently.
Parents create social media posts that show sleeping, seemingly contented babies. But in reality, a lot of parents feel that they are not able to put their baby to sleep at the right time and duration.
Because of this need, numerous self-proclaimed experts who publish best selling books about childcare write about the solutions for proper feeding, sleep and care for babies. Millions of parents have turned to advice books for years, but the thing is, there is no evidence that they work.
Effects of advice books
The main issue here is that a lot of the advice in these books do not have adequate evidence, and despite their popularity, they have not given any proof that their advice work. Some of these books go against what we all know about promoting healthy and positive infant attachment, health and well-being. Recent research suggests that some of the books have an impact on the well-being of mothers and they are mostly negative.
The study also showed that there is a connection between the use of advice books and the increased likelihood of depression and anxiety among mothers.
The issue is that there is a potential mismatch between expectations of what the advice books offer and the reality of being a mother. The research found that mothers who follow advice books in order to take care of their baby better felt no change in their well-being if they found that the advice is useful, but if the advice stated in the books are not useful or if they know they can't follow it properly, it took a toll on their well-being, thus making them prone to anxiety and even depression.
Unfortunately, only a fraction of the mothers in the study found the advice books useful--that is, 22% of the mothers who participated in the study said that they felt they were more in control of taking care of their child. Meanwhile, 50% of the mothers who participated stated that they found the advice books harmful in some way, thus making them feel anxious.
Only 10% of the mothers who participated in the study felt that the advice in the books helped them and made them feel relaxed, while 1 in 6 mothers reported that they felt like a failure after reading the books.
Unhelpful advice
Advice books may work for some mothers, but it does not work for al simply because of the suggestion that you can encourage your child into a routine that is led by you goes against a lot of what you already know about the needs of your baby.
For example, babies need to be fed as often as possible because their stomach is small. Breast milk is easy to digest so babies need to feed a lot, and it helps to build a good milk supply.
Another example is that they wake up in the middle of the night but so do a lot of adults. The difference is that adults can attend to their own needs, while babies can't so they call for your attention.
Trying to push your baby to feed less often, sleep soundly through the night and lie on their own goes against the normal development of infant needs. Even though some parents may be lucky enough to find a routine that works for them, a lot of parents find it difficult to look for a routine that won't cause them issues.
Being a mother is one of the best feelings in the world, but there is no shame to admit that it is exhausting. There are a lot of mothers that become isolated from family because they take care of their child 24/7, and this lack of social instances can increase the risk of depression and anxiety.
Remember that it is normal for parents to worry about their way of taking care of their child and whether or not they are doing it right. Parents must keep in mind that babies have frequent needs and wanting to be kept close is instinct and definitely normal. Responding to your child's needs can help the child learn that the world is a good and secure place, especially if you are around.
Advice books may seem like a good idea, but the fact remains the same. Babies respond to biology and they do not adjust their ways according to what is stated in the advice books.
ALSO READ: Is Your Child Sleeping Enough, or Too Much?
