When children are caught lying, the first thing that parents do is to push them in an attempt to teach them a lesson. But a study showed that punishing children for lying does not work because it will still cause them to lie.
A group of researchers from McGill University designed an experiment that involved 372 children, the children were between 4 to 8 years old. The experiment was led by a professor from McGill's Department of Educational and Counselling Psychology, Prof. Victoria Talwar.
The lying game
The researchers left each child alone in a room with hidden cameras, each child was given a minute in the room with a toy placed on a table behind them. The researchers instructed each child to not take a peek at the table behind them while they are alone in the room. As soon as the researchers left the room, the video camera started filming the behavior of each child.
When the researchers returned, they asked each child if they turned around and peeked at the toy on the table while they were alone in the room. The results showed that 67.5% or 251 children peeked at the toy and 66.5% or 167 of them lied about it. They also noted that as the age of the child participant increased, the more likely they were to lie and be more adept at maintaining it.
The researchers also stated that children were more likely to lie about the things that they did if they were scared of being punished. The research also found out that the younger children were focused on telling the truth because they wanted to please the adults and the older children had internalized standards of behavior, and those standards made them tell the truth because they know it was the right thing to do.
Prof. Victoria Talwar said that the bottom line of this study is that punishing children when they lie does not automatically make them tell the truth. In fact, inciting fear have the reverse effect because it reduces the likelihood that children will tell the truth because they are afraid of the punishment.
What can you do?
Before you make a set of rules for your child, make sure that you know how to respond if your child misbehaves. If your child is worried about you getting angry at him or punishing him when he makes mistakes and messes up, your child won't feel safe in telling you the truth. If something happens and you need to ask your child about it, ask him calmly. It can be challenging but you need to focus on solutions that will solve the issue instead of lingering on the outcome.
It is also important that you allow your child to save face. Do not give your child the chance to answer you with a simple yes or no. You can ask them questions in a manner that will give them the chance to explain.
If your child lies to you, try to understand his situation and think why he had to resort to lying instead of just telling you the truth.
If you acknowledge him and appreciate his honesty, your child won't be as scared to tell you the truth the next time he messes up. If your child tells you the truth, encourage him and tell him that you admire his decision to tell you the truth.
It can be difficult to be calm and composed during these situations, but remember that you are dealing with a child that has developing characteristics and his mistake is just one of many more to come. It is best to encourage your child to tell the truth now than let him or her be comfortable in not telling the truth.
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