COVID-19 has impacted all areas of life to at least some degree, and relationships are no exception. Whether you are in quarantine with your partner, or you haven't seen each other in a few months due to social distancing, the stress of this pandemic can affect your connection and intimacy. Moreover, these detriments could be long-term.
A recent poll from TruePublic has even found that 45 percent of Americans between the ages of 16 and 35 expect COVID-19 to cause relationship strain. With the threat of financial loss, the tension of close quarters, or the sense of detachment and isolation, it's not hard to see why numerous young adults believe this. But you can strengthen your own relationship to withstand pandemic-related stress with the proactive measures below.
Communicate Your Fears or Vulnerabilities
This is an uncertain time, and it's valid that you might feel anxious. But instead of taking this emotion out on your partner, share those fears with each other through honest and respectful communication. Only 18% of couples are satisfied with how they communicate in the midst of this pandemic, a survey from the Knot and Lasting reports. This makes sense if you're concerned about job layoffs, health issues and quarantine stressors, but your partner can help carry those burdens if you are vulnerable instead of combative. In healthy communication, "The goal is to find a common ground, a solution, or just to learn about the other person, all without judgment or anger in reaction to what the other person says," adds Kryss Shane, LMSW, relationship educator and consultant.
Give Both Yourself and Partner Alone Time
If you are quarantined together, it's necessary to carve some personal time and space away from each other. This might be easier said than done in homes with limited square-footage, but make an effort to build time alone into your new routine-especially if both of you have remote jobs. Walk around the neighborhood or relax in the backyard. Listen to music or read a book in the bathtub. Watch an episode of your favorite Netflix series in the bedroom. Just find a neutral corner to unwind without disruption for an hour or two. "No matter your living situation, the essential ingredient is communicating when you need alone time, as this is likely to be different each day. And when your partner requests a similar break, honor it," notes Erika Boissiere, licensed marriage and family therapist.
Extend Grace and Kindness to One Another
Neither of you will navigate this relationship stress correctly all the time, so be intentional in your treatment of one another. You might not want to empathize with your partner, but this leads to more understanding. "Give others the benefit of the doubt [...] Their behavior is probably not about you at all [...] Don't accept the invitation for every argument. Don't take every action personally. Give those you deal with grace and forgiveness," points out licensed family law attorney Nanda Davis. She also reinforces the need to show yourself patience, kindness and compassion too. "This is uncharted territory for everyone. No one is good at something without lots of practice [...] Just as you wouldn't berate a child for falling off a bike after taking off the training wheels, do not berate yourself."
Commit to De-Escalation if a Fight Happens
You can follow each of these action steps-communicate with each other, create space for alone time, and be gracious in the tension-but conflicts are still likely to happen. This is a normal facet of relationships even in periods of stability, so during COVID-19, it stands to reason that friction will be heightened. The objective here is not to skirt around issues of conflict, but to work toward a resolution whenever fights occur. It's also worth noting that conflict can be healthy because it reveals what needs to be fleshed out in the relationship, as long as you remember that you're both on the same team. One way to de-escalate the situation is to stop formulating a rebuttal and "practice active listening. Eliminate as much distraction as possible. Look the other person who is speaking in the eye. [And] do not assume motive," the tele-counseling platform TalkSpace recommends.
Have you been in quarantine with your significant other, or has it been months since you were able to spend time together? How has the stress of this global pandemic affected your relationship dynamics, and what measures are you taking to address this? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section below!
