When a mother can't say no to her child, this could have a drastic effect on her well-being and relationship with her children when they become adults. Saying "no" to a child helps both the mother and child place healthy boundaries. Without learning to accept a "no" from an early age, children may grow up with impossible demands.
When Parents, Especially Moms, Can't Say No
No matter the child's age, parents need to learn to say "no" sometimes. Whether the child is 5 or 50, when saying no is the right thing to do, it should be done. Moms in particular need to learn to put their foot down, AG Week's family educator Myron Friesen says. While parents oftentimes work together to decide for their children's welfare, at times, either parent may be left to make the decision by themselves.
For instance, a dad who never says no to his child can sometimes be perceived as someone who is teaching his child to become spoiled. Yet, eventually, most dads are able to say when to stop. On the other hand, moms may find it harder to witness the short-term repercussions of saying no to their child (think: tantrums and tears).
This decision to say "no" to a child can become hardest for the mom later in life, say after her husband passes away or she becomes a single parent. At this point, she becomes the lone decision-maker, disciplinarian, and peacemaker all at the same time.
Saying No to Your Adult Child
Mothers would need the courage to say no to their children later in life. There may come a point when adult children start to meddle in their parents' lives. A good example of this is meddling in their mom's affairs when their dad passes away. She may be left feeling the need to rely on her children for decisions on matters such as inheritance, legal matters, and finances.
The adult children may want to know of their mom's full financial status. They may want to be the one to talk to mom's accountant, doctor, and attorney. They may want copies of all legal documents — or even take the original ones. Such children can meddle with things the mother is still capable of handling because they want to make sure things are done right. Their hearts may be in the right place, but it is important to set boundaries.
Another case is when adult children want to borrow money from their mother to fund their own goals, such as their house. In situations such as these, mothers need to be stern.
When to Say No to Your Child
Learning beforehand when parents need to be ready to say no can help the parent become more confident. You know that saying no is the right thing to do in these cases, so you don't need to feel guilty or feel like a bad parent when your child becomes sad or mad because of the "no".
- Say no when they can hurt someone or get hurt. This is for their safety.
- Say no when they need to stop doing something, especially when it is harmful.
- Say no when they are fully capable of doing it on their own. You can offer training and support to teach your child to become more independent.
- Say no when you know you will resent saying yes because resentment poisons relationships. Children need to learn to compromise, and parents need to set healthy boundaries for their well-being, too.
- Say no to giving in to their wants, not needs. Occasional treats can be fun, but parents should not feel obliged to buy or give everything their child fancies.
- Say no when they ask for something that is against your values.
- Say no because you let your "yes" be "yes" and let your "no" be "no". Consistency limits the parent-child power struggle.
Overall, children need to hear and respond to "no" positively from an early age. They will constantly hear negative words like "stop", "no", and "quit" more as they grow older, and that is from people who will not care to soften the blow. With a careful balance between yes's and no's, warmth and limitations can be beneficial for parents and children.
