An unnamed man who had a vasectomy has sought advice from a community after he became a father despite his "no parenting pact" with his wife. The man shared that becoming childfree was a mutual decision so he had a vasectomy and used protection while his wife was taking birth control pills.
In sharing his story on Reddit, the man said that having kids was never in his cards and his wife was also on the same page. She even told him that she would have an abortion if she were to get pregnant but to avoid such an incident, the pair did everything they can to not have a baby.
Still, nature took its course, and his wife conceived since she got off birth control, a fact that she omitted from her husband. At first, the man said that he thought his wife cheated on him. So, the two would-be parents agreed to a paternity test, which proved that the baby was truly his.
Read Also: Vasectomy Mandate: Pennsylvania Lawmaker Proposes Bill Requiring Men Over 40 to Get Snipped
Changing Her Mind About the Abortion
The man then went on to share that his wife no longer wanted to abort the baby despite their no parenting pact. During the pregnancy, the husband said that he and his wife had so many conversations about their options, including adoption, but while he still didn't change his mind about kids, his wife was looking forward to raising their son.
He agreed to go to couple's therapy in the hopes that this will save their marriage. However, after the baby was born, the father was still adamant about his choice: he could not be a father and would not be willing to raise his son.
Because of this choice, the man had to move out of the house he shared with his wife and filed for divorce. The father said that he will be paying child support, as the law required, but that's as far as his involvement goes. His wife, on the other hand, had other expectations.
From his point of view, the man said that his wife knew where he stood about parenting from the start of their relationship but she made the decision for them to become a family. Her own family thinks he's on the wrong side, especially with his wife and son struggling to make ends meet.
However, some of the commenters on Reddit said that his wife was free to change her mind about the abortion and if they did use all sorts of protection, she was clearly not intending to "trap" her husband into parenting. Another commenter said that it sounded like the man was "altering the truth" about the vasectomy, birth control, and condom use so he could be absolved of any responsibility for his son.
One Redditor said that he hopes he won't become a deadbeat dad who would only re-appear in his child's life when the baby is older as this would be very traumatic for his son. Some of the Redditors agreed that he was being selfish and they felt bad for his child.
There were other Redditors who saw the man's point though and thought that his wife was deceptive, manipulative, and made a life-altering choice for the both of them. They pointed out that she had a deliberate plan when she didn't tell her husband about stopping her birth control pills.
Prevalence of Pregnancy after a Vasectomy
A study in the Journal of Medical Reports revealed that one in 250 vasectomies could still end up in pregnancy after five years of the procedure. Thus, doctors usually recommend to their patients to continue with other birth control methods despite getting sterilized since there is still a "small, but real risk of pregnancy."
Apparently, late recanalization, or the process of restoring flow, may still happen years after a vasectomy. Patients who have undergone this procedure, along with their partners, are supposed to be given advise about the risks so they can make more informed choices.
