Picture this scenario in your family -- your teen briefly left her phone on the table, and when you heard a ping, you thoughtlessly looked at it and saw something you can never unsee. You realize that she has been sexting another girl and that it has rattled your nerves to the core.
Over the past 15 years since the popularity of gadgets and social media, about 20 to 33 percent of teenagers between 13 to 19 years old are estimated to have engaged in sexting.
Here are some ways to talk about this sensitive topic of teenage sexting to your kids, according to some experts:
1. Never overreact.
It's understandable for parents to feel upset and uncomfortable after reading an explicitly sexual message on their teen's phone, but clinical psychologist Dr. Bethany Cook said an overreaction could only lead to friction, judgments, and condemnations. While it's important to talk to your daughter or son about it, it's a turn-off for parents to come at it with guns blazing.
In turn, teens will usually react negatively when confronted and will likely clam up, avoid, or fight their parents. There will be no productive outcome from overreacting, so it's better to approach the problem with a calm voice and temper. The teenagers might be embarrassed if they got caught but don't fail to remind them that they are still loved no matter what you see.
2. Talk about the consequences.
As you're sitting down with your teenager to find out more about why they are sexting and who they're sexting with, emphasize the consequences of their behavior. According to Dr. Renee Solomon, another clinical psychologist from Los Angeles, it's essential to drill to the kids that whatever they send out to one person can be distributed to many people. Establish rules and boundaries, knowing that the teenager will soon have a very active dating life.
Determine if the sexting was consensual and perhaps introduce the subject of the birds and the bees if this was never a part of your conversation with the kids before. Make sure that your son or daughter knows that they can be open and honest with you about discussions regarding sexual behavior and sexual relationships, which should be a very natural progression in their life.
3. Uncover the emotions that led to the behavior.
Dr. Justin Schleifer, an adolescent psychiatrist from Bradley Hospital, believes it will help to bring focus to the emotions tied to sexting. Ask the right questions but not to the point of probing or scooping.
Was your teenage boy sexting because he's trying to impress or win someone over? Was your teen girl doing this to initiate intimacy? The answer might be uncomfortable to hear for any parent, but Schleifer said this awkward talk could make the teenager's relationship with their parents all the better.
4. Check-in on the kids regularly.
Some parents befriend their teenagers on social media to carefully watch over them, especially if they feel that sexting continues to be an issue. A regular sit-down with the child should be done at least once a month if this isn't enough. Let the child feel that you're making an effort to communicate and encourage them to open up, especially for trick topics and situations.
If you find out that their explicit photos and videos have ended up in unintended places, the more they will need their parents' support, love, and guidance.
Related Article: What Parents Can Do to Help Teens Boost their Mental Health
