Cinderella may be a romantic fairy tale, but in reality, living the Cinderella phenomenon may not be as romantic as fairy tale books are telling us.
When she was seven years old, Ari Sherfield's mother got married. Since then, her life has changed. She was older thus was given the responsibility of housework and taking care of younger brothers and sisters. She was also subjected to physical and verbal abuse.
Meanwhile, Ari's siblings lived a different life. Her mother and stepfather treated her brothers and sisters with love, kindness, and compassion.
Unlike her, her siblings were not given numerous chores as she had. She had to stay at home while her siblings were allowed to spend time with friends and extracurricular activities.
Eventually, when she left home, Ari had to cut off her contact with her family.
Cinderella Phenomenon
Abusive parents are often indiscriminate in inflicting violence on their kids. In some instances, however, parents tend to single out a child as a target of physical violence. Researchers call this the "Cinderella Phenomenon" or the "target-child selection."
In an excerpt of the book Crazy Was All I Ever Knew: The Impact of Maternal Mental Illness on Kids, Alice Kenny (not her real name) said that she never wore glass slippers. However, she said she lived the Cinderella story sans the fairy godmother and the handsome prince.
Kenny said that the only thing that was real was her mother's violent rage directed at her. She was constantly dreading her mom's rage and physical abuse on her. She said there never was any reason for the abuse.
Sherfield said the mistreatment and abuse by her parents on her only made her feel isolated.
She said her siblings and sister would always gush on social media about how amazing their mother was and how she was always there for them. "They all have strong relationships with my mom. .. It makes me resentful, honestly," she said.
Singling out abuse on one child
Unlike Cinderella, the abuse comes from their biological parents as well. For Byron Egeland, an expert in child maltreatment at the Institute of Child Development, University of Minnesota, the reasons for the abuse are varied, and there is no consistent pattern across maltreatment cases.
According to various research, the abuser of the Cinderella Phenomenon also has a history of abuse. The abuser may redirect anger towards someone else and take it on the targeted child. The targeted child may also be associated with the trauma that she experienced, like rape.
Sometimes, parents tend to single out a child because of their learning disability, different personality traits, different biological parent, being hyperactive, or being the oldest child.
Recovering from trauma
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, it is critical to encourage victims to seek help.
For Sherfield, it took years for her to overcome the abuse that she went through. She said she had to unlearn toxic behaviors for years, manage her anger, and communicate better.
Another survivor, Jessica Rosacker, said that although she is coping with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, she did everything to "break the cycle" for her children by ensuring they are "fed, clean, loved, and have a safe and happy home."
