Zachary Levi made a name for himself on television, on the Broadway stage, and as a jovial and confident superhero in the 2019 movie "Shazam!" but underneath the costume was a man struggling with his relationship with his abusive mother, Susan Pugh.
Before taking on the role that would change the course of his acting career, Levi admitted that he was contemplating taking his life because his self-esteem was at an all-time low. He struggled with anxiety and depression and spent some time in a mental health facility, hoping to heal from the turmoil he had battled through since childhood.
Speaking with People, Levi said that living his life under the spotlight of Hollywood made him even more lost. But he learned to channel his struggles into his memoir, "Radical Love: Learning to Accept Yourself and Others."
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What is "Radical Love" About?
Levi detailed his personal, emotional struggles in "Radical Love," particularly his experiences with his mom, who died in 2015. According to USA Today, the actor's mother did not receive proper mental health care before she passed on, but the therapists who took care of her said that she likely suffered from a borderline personality disorder with narcissistic tendencies.
The actor said his mother once told him she would be happier if he died. Levi, however, said that he wrote the book not to disrespect his mother's memory because Levi loved his mom despite her abusive behavior.
The actor described Pugh as someone who was "beautiful, vibrant, intelligent." He said that he could never see his mom as a wicked person because Pugh was also dealing with her own trauma from her parents.
Levi said that her mother had no clue of the trauma she afflicted on other people due to her mental health disorder. His book touches on how to embrace "radical love," which he believed refers to someone who uses the tools at their disposal, including trauma and fears, to create and maintain relationships. It is about having hope while trying to understand and heal.
Finding His Peace of Mind
In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, the "Shazam!" star said that he grew up feeling like the family's embarrassment because that's what his mother made him feel. When he got older, he turned to drugs, booze, and sex because he needed something to numb his emotional pain.
He was already an accomplished actor when he experienced a panic attack that triggered his need to seek therapy. Levi admitted that he didn't realize that he was on the verge of a mental breakdown until he turned 37.
"I had been in dark places in my life before," Levi said. "I didn't realize I was running away from so much."
After weeks of intensive and life-changing therapy, Levi is slowly finding peace of mind but acknowledges he's still a work in progress.
For anyone needing help and guidance, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
