Grandparents are a blessing. They shower the grandkids with love and quality time without expecting anything in return. However, even the most amiable grandparents may undermine the authority of the parents and clash with their in-laws because they've overstepped some boundaries to the point of spoiling the grandkids.
To keep the peace in the family, some parents might not want to say anything if they receive criticism or see the grandparents overindulging the children. However, setting healthy boundaries is necessary so that families can avoid friction and emotional distress.
Here's how parents can draw the line so that grandparents will respect their boundaries:
1. Explain your rules to the grandparents.
Communicate the reasons why you have established certain rules for the children and why it will benefit them to abide by them. For instance, grandparents are notorious for not following nap times, bed times, bath times or screen times, disrupting the structure that parents want their kids to learn. To fix this problem, it's important to let the grandparents know how challenging it is to bring the kids back to their routines, once grandma and grandpa have left.
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According to Lil Baby Sleep, grandparents might have no idea because they have not been taking care of babies or young kids in a long time and their experience with parenting may be completely different. The best way, therefore, is to communicate expectations if the grandparents are going to help with childcare for a few weeks. They need to understand that the children need consistency.
2. Have guidelines when it comes to gifting.
Grandparents will shower their grandkids with presents even when there's no occasion. This can be undermining and belittling for the parents who may be trying hard not to raise materialistic children or give them the impression that they can get anything they want by simply being cute and adorable.
Grandmother DeeDee Moore advised, via PureWow, that handling this situation requires proactiveness. The parents need to set a clear budget, limit or guideline for grandma and grandpa and make it into an agreement so that the older adults will be more receptive.
It might help if the parents also suggest tying gift-giving with values that kids could learn from. According to Dr. Kerry Byrne, a researcher on the senior population, if the parents want their children to learn about compassion then the grandparents can give a book about kindness.
3. Remind grandparents of the children's dietary restrictions.
Some grandparents think that diet restrictions do not apply to them so they let the children indulge in sweets and snacks. As with gift-giving, it's necessary for the parents to voice out and constantly remind grandma or grandpa that the children can't have too much sugar. Follow-through may be needed to ensure that the boundaries are set in place.
4. Be on the same page with disciplining the kids.
Sometimes, grandparents can't help but take the side of the kids when they are being reprimanded by their parents. So, moms and dads need to get them on the same page by defining their roles.
According to Summit Kids, it's alright for parents to speak up when the grandparents are becoming overbearing. Mom and dad should not be afraid to "lay down the law" because it's not about creating conflicts; the boundaries are there for the children's own good.
