Robin Stern, psychoanalyst and author of "The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life," explained that the goal of the perpetrator is to convince you that you're misremembering, misunderstanding, or misinterpreting your own behavior or motivations, thus establishing doubt in your mind that leaves you vulnerable and confused.
Gaslighting is intentionally attempting to manipulate someone into doubting their feelings, perception of events, and reality. Someone trying to attempt to gaslight will make you confused and will do everything to make you doubt yourself so that they can have anything they want. Nevertheless, it's a form of emotional abuse.
The term originates from "Gas Light," a 1938 play in which the husband convinces the woman she is not mentally stable. Hence, he changes her environment by dimming the gaslights and telling the woman that she only imagines things. To make it short, the man's ultimate goal is to have her committed to an asylum so he can steal her inheritance, per Good Therapy.
Remembering one's experiences, emotions, and thoughts are valid
According to Elnaz Mayeh, director of clinical operations with Lightfully Behavioral Health in Los Angeles, gaslighting can happen in any relationship. Although it usually occurs in romantic relationships, it can also happen between a boss and employee, with family members, and with friends.
The point of gaslighting is to gain control and power by manipulating the victim into developing self-doubt to help further the gaslighter's objective, which is maintaining power and control.
According to Samantha Maeda, a licensed behavioral health clinician with L.A. Care Health Plan, gaslighting is a manipulative tactic in which the abuser makes the victim doubt their judgment and reality by fabricating false narratives. Gaslighting has many forms that can go undetected and take years before the victim recognizes it.
Craig Malkin, psychologist and lecturer at Harvard Medical School and author of the book "Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists," noted that gaslighting is an extremely dangerous form of emotional abuse as it undermines one's self-confidence, per US News.
Recognizing gaslighting and seeking help
Documenting interactions with someone trying to gaslight you can help you track the occurrence. When a certain conversation or incident was denied, looking back at those documents will help you find the truth. Several laws in areas might forbid you from using recording if seeking legal assistance but telling others about the situation is allowed.
Although the confrontation between the abuser and the victim is not always safe, having proof, according to Healthline, can do so many things, especially in restoring peace of mind and maintaining emotional well-being. When you know the truth, there will not be enough space for doubts, which can help you boost your confidence and efficiently handle the gaslighting.
Therapists say standing firm in your truth means believing in yourself and your feelings, and what you know to be true means owning your perception, per MBG Relationships.
