A couple married for 21 years has found the secret to a happy marriage by simply living in separate houses even if they have a child.
Claire Burke, 55, and David Burke, 49, have been living apart for the first 20 years of their marriage. The mom believes that physical distance sustained the burning fire they have for each other.
But in 2021, the Burkes decided to buy a house and stay under one roof. The decision turned out to be a mistake as sharing the same room, sleeping on the same bed, and living in the same house "didn't work" for the couple.
Speaking with New York Post, Claire said she was stressed out living with David because she felt like she was his maid, not his wife. The couple had frequent fights about their living arrangement and even exchanged stern words against each other.
He leaves his dirty clothes; she likes to keep things tidy
Claire complained that David often left his clothes where he took them off. He's not also particular with black rings in the bath or traces of toothpaste on the sink. His wife said that he lives like he's in a bachelor pad while she prefers an orderly and clean house.
Sharing a wardrobe also caused some fights between the couple, as David was left with only one-eighth of the closet space.
The couple also struggled with their viewing preference on television. Instead of relaxing with a movie or TV show, Claire and David fought about what they should watch, and they could never agree on a program.
"We discovered we didn't have anything in common," Claire revealed. This doesn't mean that they no longer love each other.
Realizing that living together was destroying their marriage, Claire and David agreed to split their new house into two sections. She now has her own room and own TV set in a separate part of the house, away from David. They also have enough closet space for each other.
During dinner, however, the family sits down for a meal together and then chats about their day before heading off to their respective parts of the house. Their son, Jay, 13, can have "the best of both worlds" from his parents.
Admittedly, their living arrangement is unconventional, but it has brought happiness to their long, enduring marriage. The pair also renewed their marital vows to mark their 21st year of marriage, according to Daily Mirror.
Living apart together: pros and cons
Psychotherapist Lucy Beresford said couples who prefer living apart together (LAT) could actually achieve a balance between their commitment and independence as they are accorded a "breathing space" from each other. She believes this lifestyle is a "healthy realism" compared to the "traditional fairytale" couples expect from their marriage.
However, Professor Simon Duncan, who has written extensively about LAT relationships, cautioned that nothing may get resolved in a couple's issues if they live in separate homes. He believes that "compromise, respect and accommodation" are still important values for couples to learn to grow in their relationships, which can only happen if they are under the same roof, per The Guardian.
