Parenting Styles Are a Myth; Here's How To Create Your Own That Works for Your Family

Parenting styles are a myth.

Yes, parents, you read that right! According to Cauri Jaye, a soft-skills expert, technologist, parenting coach, and creator of the "Sesh" parenting app, parenting styles are a myth precisely because there are no two families that are alike.

A family uniquely consists of its own culture, individual psychology, and circumstance, which means that one's parenting style should be as unique as the family's household.

More than this, every child is unique as well. Thus, no "pre-set" parenting approach will sufficiently work for them.

Dona Matthews, Ph.D., who has worked with children, families, and schools since 1990, agrees with Jaye.

"That means your parenting approach must be unique to you, tailor-made to fit the special relationship between you and your child, and able to adapt to changing realities. So, things go best when you create your own parenting style that works for you and your family," the doctor expressed.

How to create your own parenting style?

Jaye encourages parents to find and create their own parenting style that effectively works for their family, lifestyle, and values.

1. Know your values as a family.

Shared values are the foundation of every good relationship, especially at home. Parents need to discover and understand the values that drive them and the values they want their children to see, know and learn. Write down the values that matter to the family, reorder the list from most to least vital, select the top five, and post these somewhere visible for everyone to see, especially your children.

2. Figure out what parenting approach works and what does not.

No one style fits all. As stated above, the efficiency of one's parenting style depends on how this is consistent with one's culture, values, and lifestyle. Thus, parents need to research and find their inspirations from different sources such as books, the internet, family and friends, experiences and imaginations, parenting communities, and different parenting styles. Try different techniques based on the circumstances and note what gives positive results and what does not.

3. Model the behavior

A neuroimage study published by Science Direct revealed that children's empathy and interpersonal competence are related to their ability to mirror others' emotions. Kids' "little brains" already have mirror neurons. These are brain cells that help humans to copy the actions they have seen and observed. Thus, children-whether infants or toddlers rely heavily on mimicry.

Jaye has observed that there is no better parenting style than parents showing kids how they ought to behave. If parents scream when upset, they shouldn't be surprised to see their children yelling and doing the same when stressed. If parents pause and breathe deeply when upset, they will be relieved to see that their children have the same patience as theirs whenever they face difficulties.

Parents need to always remember the values they have listed that they want their children to be surrounded with and to learn because these must be the values visible and practiced at home. These must be the values they are living. Parents should ensure that their kids see those values practiced because these can make or break their behaviors toward life and the future.