The study, "Estrangement Between Mothers and Adult Children: The Role of Norms and Values," argues that the mother is the most important figure in early childhood. Thus, if she is abused, manipulated, or not given essential emotional support, the psychological aftermath can persist into an adult's life, Healthline reported.
Mommy issues are the psychological challenges an individual faces as an adult resulting from their childhood relationship with their mother or another adult female figure. If a person experiences mommy issues, this only means that the relationship with their mother is likely lacking.
These parenting styles may not appear harmful but can have serious effects. Children have no control over how mothers choose to parent; therefore, they are not accountable for any outcomes of a toxic maternal relationship. Addressing any relationship difficulties they experience is all worth the effort; after all, what they can control the most is their behavior and their perception of such issues.
Patrick Cheatham, a psychologist in Portland, Oregon, explains that usually, people who have strained and toxic maternal relationships often expect their romantic partners to fulfill the needs their mothers could not. When the relationship turns out like this, they might end up idealizing their partner, but they become disillusioned when it does not happen.
Read Also : Middle Child Syndrome: How Middle Children Feel Excluded and Ignored Due to Birth Order?
How do mommy issues affect the relationship?
Mommy issues do not always mean the mothers are lacking, as some individuals grow up without their moms. Some people might carry lingering scars from harsh or distant treatment due to mommy issues. When a mom dies, her absence creates feelings of abandonment and rejection.
Unfortunately, people often seek this lack of motherly love from other mother figures or romantic partners. This need for maternal affection might leave them with the urge to do almost everything to keep people around them happy, so they will not leave. This can also manifest as clinginess or people-pleasing.
Data suggests that how mothers treat their kids directly correlates with how their mothers treat them. For instance, mothers who felt accepted and supported by their mothers while growing up went on to have balanced relationships with their own kids. They also ensure that their kids are given their needs so they would feel they are supported. They become more sensitive to their kids' needs and less intrusive.
Moms who are overprotected and constantly tangle with their own mothers become insecure or avoid attachments with their children. The same goes for mothers who are dismissive or overly critical of their children, per Very Well Family.
Coping up with mommy issues
To cope with mommy issues, the main thing is to break the cycle and build an emotional support network. Usually, individuals who are abused by their mothers but break the cycle have significant supportive networks of companions and mentor relationships. Such relationships helped them build a healthy environment for themselves, and they eventually learned to let go of the past.
Love to Pivot suggests acknowledging the cause of the mommy issue and understanding what led to the behavior. They should also try to identify and compare the past and present changes as it makes them more aware and does not invalidate their feelings.
Related Article : How Social-Emotional Learning Classes at School Helps Children to Reconnect With Their Parents
