Allowing kids tiny bits of screen time has been parents' little "saving grace" in those moments that they would want to breathe a little. However, these little saving grace moments can also cause parents' guilt.
Thus, the big question parents now have is this: they want to limit screen time, but what if it's the only break they get to have?
Mariah Maddox, mother, Motherly's essays editor, and self-published author of "Beckoning of the Wind: An Ode to Motherhood," is one of those parents caught between saving grace and mom guilt that screen time has created.
Mom Guilt
"We are told that screen time can be a useful tool, and then we are bombarded with scholarly articles or unsolicited comments on the negative effects of it. We are told that mamas need a break sometimes, and then we are made to feel guilty for allowing our kid to watch a YouTube episode while we take a few minutes to ourselves," Maddox said with confusion.
She shared that she was one of those parents who vowed not to give her child screen time, but her son hit two, and she realized that screen time allows her to do the things she needs to do but cannot do if she is carrying her son. She can suddenly shower, put the laundry in the washer, or take the trash out. Most importantly, she suddenly has these few minutes to catch her breath and have a break, especially since she is a stay-at-home mom and the primary caretaker of her child.
She knows that screen time in moderation is okay; however, every single time, the mom guilt sets in. How moderate is moderate? It seems that there is an existing pressure to limit her child's screen time every time, and it is becoming an "enormous burden to carry," as she expressed in an article she wrote recently.
Every time she gives her son screen time, she hears a pestering voice at the back of her head telling her that she isn't a good mom.
Screen time is not 'inherently harmful'
The pressures, stress, and tension caused by limiting screen time are another reminder that a mother cannot do it all.
A mother of three and licensed clinical psychologist, Dr. Cara Goodwin, has this to say to both moms and dads who feel guilty.
Research revealed that giving screen time to kids is not "inherently harmful." Research suggests that real-life social interactions are more optimal for learning than screen time. Like anything in the world, screen time only becomes a problem when it is excessive, which can rob the kid of having real-life interactions and quality family time.
Moreover, the impact of screen time is less critical than the impact of other factors. Sensitive parenting, for example, has a more significant impact on language development than screen time. A study showed that when infants have over two hours of screen time per day before reaching one, they are six times more likely to be diagnosed with a language delay. However, it is also true that a family history of language delay increases the risk of delay ten times, while neglectful parenting increases the risk 30 times.
Goodwin also emphasized that parents, especially mothers, should stop feeling guilty about screen time, as long as it is done moderately when used to fulfill another task or even just to recollect herself. If a mother needs to use screen time to keep her kid safe or simply take a break for her mental health's sake, that is often a good choice. The right choice, even.
The doctor has one piece of advice - to make screen time a routine for the children so that they will understand when the screen can be turned on and when it will be turned off. Because it is one source of power struggles and meltdowns, the routine will help the child have an expectation of when the screen can be used or not. It is also vital that screen times will only be limited to an hour before bedtime since these can significantly impact sleep.
Maddox, too has one piece of advice. From one momma to another, what truly counts is that mothers have their child's best interests at heart.
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