You can still do this and that now, but wait until you marry and have children.
Familiar line, right? Everyone has that married friend who would throw countless threats using the line above. This friend would paint an image of a narrow, constricted world of family life where scented candles are not allowed because open flame is too dangerous for kids, where travel is not anymore a possibility because it's going to be complicated, and where orderly bookcases become impossible because kids destroy everything.
Michele Morin knows all these so well because, at 21, she was surrounded by married friends and has been protecting herself against "any threat of marriage" and family life. And when she finally got married and started building a family of her own, she was determined to prove them wrong.
She tried hard, bending over backward to prove that nothing had changed in her life, unlike her friends. They can still take long road trips. They can still go to antique stores with the kids, spend Saturdays in the yard working, welcome guests into their house, and feed them from the produce locally grown in the backyard. She could still do everything, except she was exhausted all the time.
3 Lessons for young moms
Now that almost 30 years have passed, Morin, a mother of four, writer, and Bible teacher, wants nothing more but "to pour that tired woman a steaming mug of tea, sit across the table from her, and whisper to her that no is not forever, but it can be a freeing word when we say it at the right time... tell her to get comfortable with uncertainty in the small details and to sharpen her understanding of God's sovereignty over every season of life."
She said there are three insights she discovered in the journey of motherhood, which she hoped she knew right from the very start.
1. Let the truth be your home.
A mother must make a choice daily if she believes all the negativities she hears from around her and within her, or she will believe in the truth of God's word. Every day is a battle, so she has to choose her weapon well.
Morin recalled that during one long month of stomach viruses and isolation with her kids all sick, she discovered that "regular doses of gospel truth" were so much more effective than a cup of coffee or a chat with a girlfriend. Choose the Scripture as a weapon against the circumstances, the challenges, and the noise. Truth should be given more room in a mother's life than negativities.
2. You are more than what you do and can do.
New mommas can be some of the worst hypocrites, judging others based on cloth diapers and disposables or breastfeeding milk and formula. And, then eventually, judgments continue based on public school, homeschool, or plain housewife or a working mom. It can be a sad, hurtful world for mothers who feel condemned.
Morin warns about the "habit of comparison" that creates walls instead of bridges of understanding that could have been more empowering and redemptive.
Mothers should always remind themselves that they are more than what they do. They are not "just" a mother or "just" a wife. Those roles are beautiful and they are blessed for having those. They can never be the perfect wife or the perfect mother. Yet, God's grace allows them to be the best of who they are in their imperfections.
3. Build habits you can be sure to fall back on.
Mothers will always have that day that is harder than others when they are exhausted and cannot pay attention. On those days, they will fall back on their habits. Thus, they need to ensure that their habits are positive and strong enough to catch and provide them with what they need, which is peace of mind that everything is going to be well.
Morin suggests having strong spiritual practices that will lead one's mind to a good place where one's heart can be directed to the Giver of rest and peace that "transcends all understanding."
As a young mother, she wanted to be firmly rooted in the truth so that she could be reliable every day for her children and husband. This enabled her kids to jump from "dependable parent to dependable God."
She memorized Psalm 103, and her tired brain was provided praise words, Psalm 91, and she was always reassured of God's trustworthiness, Romans 8, and she was reminded of a love that she would want to overflow to her family, and Psalm 1, and she was inspired to live a righteous life as a mother.
