How to Co-Parent and Keep the Kids Happy Even With Divorce

Children are most affected when their parents go through a divorce.

It is not only a pivotal experience for children but also can hugely affect the trajectory of their lives. From a child's perspective, divorce signifies loss of stability and, more importantly, loss of their united family. It causes a range of emotional responses in children, from anger to frustration to anxiety and depression. It also has a negative impact on children's physical, psychological, and academic well-being.

This is why it is of utmost importance that the parents, though not together anymore, should ensure that kids and their happiness and welfare are their topmost priority.

What is co-parenting?

Divorced parents will always desire to give their kids a normal way of living, and though this can be pretty difficult, it can be done through co-parenting.

Co-parenting is having both parents play an active role in their kids' daily lives. This is said to be the best way to ensure that children's needs are met and, simultaneously, allow them to preserve and even deepen their close relationship with their separated parents.

Still being in contact with each other, making shared decisions, interacting at drop-offs, or simply conversing with a person one would rather forget about can all seem like impossible tasks. However, for the sake of the kids, parents should be able to conquer co-parenting challenges and develop an amicable working relationship with one another.

As parents, they don't have a choice but to make co-parenting work.

"Your marriage may be over, but your family is not; acting in your kids' best interest is your most important priority. The first step to being a mature, responsible co-parent is to always put your children's needs ahead of your own," Help Guide emphasized.

Separating the personal relationship from co-parenting is the key to successful co-parenting. Both must start thinking that their relationship with each other is now a completely new one, a selfless relationship that is entirely about the well-being of the children.

10 Tips to make children happy even with divorced parents

Karen Stewart, founder of Fairway Divorce Solutions and author of several books about divorce, has been through the struggles of divorce and co-parenting and has learned a lot from them.

Now, she gets to offer "sage parenting advice" on how to raise confident, happy, and well-adapted children despite experiencing divorce through co-parenting, like how she has gotten to transition 5,200 Canadian families from navigating divorce to a life of new beginnings.

1. Create a detailed schedule and communication plan. "Fail to plan, plan to fail," as they say. Thus, make sure that both have a clear plan and schedule regarding the drop-offs, parenting, communication methods, and finances so that both can have more freedom, in the end, to focus on other things in their lives.
2. Avoid giving the children their overnight bags to take to school. Make this a part of the "clear plan." Do not embarrass or traumatize the kids because they have to carry big overnight bags to school.
3. Ensure both parents are included in all school correspondence. This is a part of responsible parenting.
4. Never badmouth the other parent ever. When children hear one parent badmouthing the other, it seems they are being told that half of them is not okay. It is that simple, yet it is that dangerous.
5. Do not sweat the small stuff. And never allow small matters to escalate into huge, towering problems. Remember to let it go. At the end of the day, what truly matters is the kid's happiness.
6. Encourage involvement of extended family, even if one parent does not like the other's family. Remember that each parent needs all the help they can get.
7. Let go of what goes on at the house of the other parent. Of course, except if the child is in danger. Stop taking everything under one's control.
8. Lay out the finances early in the school year. Who will pay for what and what activities the children will do should always need to be discussed and agreed upon. Children need to know as well in advance the plan for school so that they can look forward to it, focus on having good grades and have fun at the same time.
9. Children thrive with routine while failing in chaos. Place the school year rotation schedule on the fridge or where everyone can see it.
10. Always be kind and ready to apologize when unkind. Kindness is the foundation for a happy life; model that to the children.