Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and instructor at Northeastern University, told CNBC things and phrases parents should not say to their kids. She noted that what parents say and do can leave a lasting impact that can affect their well-being.
Adults, particularly parents, do not mind their choice of words as they think most of the time that they are only joking, but it can influence the children's beliefs. In her book "13 Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do," Morin explained that the unhealthy habits that gradually steal the developing mental strength kids need to attain the greatest potential include changing their language.
Although some words appear harmless, little do parents know that they cause children to grow up with a victim mentality or the lasting thought that they can't and won't ever succeed due to painful words and phrases they are told at an early age.
Here are the phrases and words:
1. "We can't buy that as we can't afford it."
The self-help guru of the moment by The Guardian suggests parents not utter such phrases just because money is holding them back. Instead, explain carefully to your child that you have control over your finances and a budget to follow. For instance, if your kids want to go to an expensive park, rather than telling them that you can't afford the ticket, why not set them up with an allowance jar so they would know how to save at a young age while also trying to achieve their goal.
2. "Why do you keep doing that? You make me so mad!"
Experts suggest remaining calm and resisting the urge to blame the kids or anyone else for the overwhelming emotions. Instead of continuously yelling and telling them that you're mad, try to handle your feelings, and afterward, try to let kids understand that what they did was not right and you don't like it when they do such things. In that sense, they would be aware of their own actions and will also be encouraged to consider what others might feel.
Staying calm as much as possible teaches kids the ability to manage one's feelings. After all, parents wouldn't want their children to grow up thinking it's okay to blame others for how they feel. Also, it will remind them that we are human, which means there are times when we can't help but lose our cool but blaming will never be reasonable enough.
3. "I hate my job!"
Despite going home exhausted due to workloads, parents should not tell their kids that they hate their job as it will affect them. A study entitled Parents' Math Anxiety Can Undermine Children's Math Achievement determined that parents' attitudes toward life hugely influence their children's success, particularly regarding academic achievement.
4. "I have to do this errand."
This phrase might appear harmless, but truthfully, it implies that you are being forced to do certain things or errands you don't want to do. By saying this phrase, you show kids that you don't have power over your life and you're only forced to do almost everything.
5. "Calm down; everything will be okay."
Convincing kids that everything will turn out well won't prepare them for the future, as it will only bring more harm to them and force them to be okay even though they're not. Such a phrase invalidates their emotions. It also gives false hope, which will not be helpful for the situation, per Candy Mag.
Encourage kids to practice more so they can do better.
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