One of the main keys to avoiding constant fights with your child is the ability to remain calm. Thus, when a child is upset, keeping your cool is half the battle, per The Montessori Notebook. It's one of the ways for you to set aside the fire by throwing the water on flames instead of fanning it by adding more fuel from your own emotional tank. However, parents should bear in mind that all emotions are valid and acceptable but not all behaviors are permissible.
When parents don't accept their own emotions, they act them out with the kids including family members in unhealthy ways. Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC or Licensed Mental Health Counselor says that parents need to understand that staying calm when dealing with children is much easier said than done particularly when they have a child who acts out.
When the brain becomes overloaded with emotion, 'reactivity' starts. It usually can come in the form of screaming and shutting down none of which will help you deal with any children. Parenting is a very emotional experience, hence, kids including interactions with them can trigger one's feelings of helplessness, disappointment, and hurt, to name a few. Such feelings can quickly stir parents up or can leave parents excessively overwhelmed.
Here are the tips to remain calm as a parent:
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1. Consider the negative consequences
Before lashing out at your kids, consider and think multiple times before implying a certain action on your child as it will hugely impact the parent-child relationship. Also, parents can't do anything about it especially when the damage has been already done.
2. Give yourself a break or timeout
Timeouts are not only for kids. Adults particularly parents need to take some rest and enjoy moments despite being a parent. Parents should take a deep breath and allow a level of reason to their minds.
3. Let your children be wrong
Child Development suggests parents allow children to be wrong. Noting that parents need to educate their kids between right and wrong. When kids commit a mistake, they must be corrected in a way that they will have to learn from the consequences when they encounter blunders in judgment.
4. Decide what is important
Arguments are the outcome of the desire to be right. Thus, if parents choose to be delightful over winning every heated discussion with their children, parent's life will be more enjoyable and would become more relaxed parent overall.
Help kids understand that one of the parent's jobs is to provide support and ask them if there is anything you can do to make kids more comfortable and express themselves. Legitimize the parent's both worries and concerns. Avoid offering advice and minimize the parent's emotion or recommend any kind of quick fix.
5. Try to focus on the big picture
Parents should also learn to understand the situation. Instead of yelling at your child, find a peaceful solution. The more you become a relaxed parent, the less likely you are to become mad. Relaxation techniques can be helpful after the fact.
Empowering Parents say that understand that worrying about their child is a negative act. Worrying as well makes one child more anxious as parents become more worried. The more you worry and have negative photos floating around in your brain, the more a neural pathway is formed. Instead of worrying and lashing out madly at your child, know how to remain calm by meditating.
