A mother vented online asking if she was overreacting after her mother-in-law called out her parenting in front of her children.
A mom took to Reddit to "rant" and ask for advice whether she just lost her cool and overreacted over her mother-in-law "criticizing" how she parents while the kids were around to hear and witness.
She narrated about an incident when both her parents-in-law stopped by their home, and by "stopping by," it means hours long. Thus, she does not look forward to their visits.
Her husband had already opened up to his parents about criticizing their parenting and requested them not to contradict their rules and statements in front of the children. Instead, just talk to them in private, which they would gladly welcome.
During that particular visit, she found the children standing on the couch with their shoes on. As the mother, she reminded them that shoes do not belong on the couch, to which the mother-in-law commented that it's okay because they are kids, and that she should "get used to having a messy house."
Her oldest child, who is having some authority issues lately, immediately continued jumping on the couch with his shoes and was even laughing. She, once again, corrected the behavior, but her son said that according to his grandmother, he could, and so he disobeyed his mother.
The need to spoil the grandkids
The mother expressed that she was "livid."
Her husband saw her getting upset so he tried talking to his mother, which eventually resulted in a loud argument.
She then took her children outside and when her husband came out, she went inside and talked to her mother-in-law, stating that she should "never undermine" her again in front of the kids.
The mother-in-law responded that she needed to spoil her grandkids. She cut her off and asked if she understood what she just said about never undermining her as a mother. The mother-in-law kept on saying other things, and she repeatedly cut her off until the grandmother repeated what she told her, and right after, went and cried in the bathroom.
At this point, her father-in-law started to get involved but she did not let him finish either. As a result, the visit ended and they left.
Her husband was upset, and yet she does not know whether it is because of his parents or of her.
Read Also: Setting Boundaries for Grandparents Who Tend to Spoil their Grandchildren
Where do you draw the line?
Most of the people on Reddit commented that they agree with the mother, and felt that the mother-in-law was the cause of the conflict.
A comment expressed that she did not overreact and it's just that the grandmother needed a time-out. Another person also stated that it is "extremely rude" to criticize the parenting of another person.
But where should parents draw the line when it comes to the grandparents of their kids?
"Unsolicited advice is rarely welcome, and if it's coming from one's own parents or in-laws, it will most likely be heard as criticism," said Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC, psychotherapist, author and creator of The Calm Parent AM & PMTM.
It should be a give and take relationship.
Grandparents should be aware that problems can surface when they "interfere, intrude, or undercut what the parents are saying." Parents also should not take the grandparent's feelings for granted, because they love the children as much. Make them feel that they are included and important.
First rule of thumb for the parents, assume that the grandparents have the best intentions. First rule of thumb for grandparents, never criticize, and focus on the positive. Practice these things because they can do wonders to the relationship.
Related Article: Grandparents Are "Too Soft" or Too Lenient to Kids, According to a Study
