'One-and-Done' Parenting Is on the Rise

More and more parents choose to have only one child after considering social and economic factors.

Jen Dalton shared to BBC that she created a spreadsheet when she got pregnant in 2018, taking maternity leave, family-spacing health recommendations, and even potential family holidays into account. She even planned out when to have each of the four kids she was dreaming of then.

Two months after her daughter's birth, the dream changed as she realized how naive she was. From wanting to have four kids, now, she and her husband decided they were absolutely "one and done."

Financial concerns

Getting pregnant, giving birth, and raising children in this day and age is expensive.

According to Brookings, a study revealed that it costs an average of $310,605 to raise two children in the United States, which does not include their tuition fee in college yet.

In the United Kingdom, however, having one child will cost parents an estimated $194,607, while in Australia, it costs almost $107,442.

Many couples are falling further behind with all the struggles to pay bills and other expenses.

Compared to the generations before, millennial couples are becoming "more hard-nosed about life's challenges," declared Lauren Sandler, investigative journalist and author of "One and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child, and the Joy of Being One."

She expressed, "We haven't decided to make higher education affordable, or change our tax system so that there's a middle class again, or put a cap on inflated housing costs, or do any of the things that make a viable life possible. How on Earth do I bring a kid into that mix? And how on Earth do I then bring two kids into that mix?

Parents like Victoria Fahey, 25, from Calgary, Canada, agree with Sandler. She has factored out this one, too, when deciding to only have one child. She said that she wants to be able to give her son all the things he wants. If he wants to play soccer and hockey and make music, she wants to give all those to him and not be limited because another kid wants something else, which means another set of bills to be paid. She wants to give her son all the opportunities to become who he wants to be without limitations and hindrances caused by finances.

Emotional, mental, and social concerns

But it isn't just about the money.

Dalton and her husband chose "one-and-done" parenting because they would not want to go through the emotional and mental struggles they experienced from having their first daughter.

They struggled with sleep deprivation and mental health challenges. There was also that fear of having a traumatic birth all over again, which Dalton faced when she had her first child. She also went through postnatal depression (PND) and postpartum anxiety (PPA).

Thus, she can wholly relate to the research published in Wiley Online Library, which stated that having a second child can be associated with "a drop in happiness" for moms while having only one can be associated with "a gain in happiness."

But they overcame, yet when life became much easier, they felt that their decision to only have one child was right.

More than not wanting to risk their well-being all over again, they knew it was the right thing, knowing there was nothing "wrong" with not "giving" their daughter a sibling.

Dalton said that she is an only child and did not grow up sad or dissatisfied. She was, in fact, happy and very close to her parents.

Despite the social pressure, many one-and-done-by-choice families stand firm on their decision not only because it is best for the parents, but they believe it is best for the kids too - no pain and trauma of sibling rivalry, no divided attention, and no pain of having to choose.

Moreover, since "one-and-done" parents have more patience and energy to draw on, they can also be more intentional parents.