Last month, Parenting.com and HLN TV's "Raising America With Kyla Phillips" joined together to take an uncensored look at moms' most revealing confessions, and found that almost a quarter of moms have a favorite child.
Over 1,000 readers, viewers, and social-media fans from around the country were surveyed to get the inside scoop on how they really feel about parenthood. While favoring a child over others is not something most parents would want to admit, parenting specialist and author of "When Your Kids Push Your Buttons" Bonnie Harris, MS E.d. said these feelings are normal even if they don't make people like Parent of the Year.
"It's natural to to be a little more attached to a certain child, if he gives you more," Harris said. "Maybe he's more affectionate than his siblings, or shares your interests, or is just plain easier to raise and makes you feel like a great parent."
Harris advised parents not to feel guilty, but to also make sure they don't share their preference with their children.
"It only becomes a problem when you're unconsciously playing it out, like muttering, 'Why can't you be more like your brother?'," she said.
Another common dirty little secret that was revealed in the confessionals was on the other site of the spectrum, with more than 35 percent of parents moms admitting that they sometimes wish their child was more like someone else's kid, especially when it comes to behavior.
Parents surveyed also confessed that they often wished their children were more outgoing, talented, smarter and less "geeky."
Harris said because parents often see children as a reflection of themselves, it may be especially disappointing if they have shortcomings in certain departments, as moms and dads can feel they are themselves to blame.
"We always want our children to think they're the apple of our eye," Harris said. "Understand that you're not 100 percent responsible for how your child is, or his success in life. Yes, maybe it would be easier for him to fit in if he were an athlete, but you can't necessarily change him, and it's not your fault."
Harris also advised parents to acknowledge that you may be idealizing your child's friends, pointing out that you are not with them 100 percent of the time and only get a glimpse into some of their behaviors, as there is a probably a lot you don't see or know about. In terms of feeling responsible for your child's perceived shortcomings.
"If you wished you had more friends when you were little, and your child has just a couple of pals now, you may think she's a misfit," she said. "But maybe she's the kind of person who's fine with a small social circle."
Spending more one-on-one time with your children and allowing yourself to get to know them on their terms may also help you build a stronger relationship and find more things in common, which Harris said is "key to to making a different and better relationship."
"If you're disappointed because she's a tomboy and you love shopping for girly clothes, maybe you can find another kind of shopping to do together, like for cool sports equipment," she said.
Even though these kinds of emotions towards your children can be difficult to work through, they are a normal part of being a parent, and much more common among parents than you might think.
