Tattling is a typical yet discouraging behavior among preschool and school-age children. While kids need to tell the truth and share their experiences, tattling is dissimilar; it involves reporting others' actions simply to get them in trouble.
Children may tattle on classmates, siblings, friends, or even adults. However, kids need to speak up when someone is at risk of being hurt, such as in cases of bullying.
Parents need to teach the difference between tattling and telling, as perceiving why children tattle can assist in containing this behavior while still boosting open communication.
What Is Tattling?
Tattling is when a child reports someone's rule-breaking behavior, often with the motive of getting that person into a problem or gaining attention. This usually involves the child taking pleasure in sharing the news and hoping for the subject's punishment.
Conversely, if a child informs an adult about something harmful or potentially dangerous, it is not tattling but an act of protecting or helping someone.
Children tattle for various reasons. As they master rules and the distinction between right and wrong, they may feel accountable for reporting any misconduct.
Tattling can also stem from a motive to gain favor with parents or teachers, or because they believe there might be a prize for their behavior.
Jealousy or competition, especially among siblings, can also be a motive, with children using tattling to gain an advantage. Younger children might lack the skills to manage conflicts and seek adult intervention to resolve issues.
How To Discourage Tattling
To discourage tattling, start by understanding the underlying cause. For instance, if a child has fights with a sibling, teach them other ways to fix arguments.
If attention-seeking is the concern, help the child find more suitable ways to seek attention. Explain the negative effect of tattling can have on others and develop more positive behavior.
Encourage empathy by asking the child to consider how they would feel if they were told on for an accidental or unintentional mistake. Discuss the feelings of being upset, sad, or embarrassed, and why tattling can be hurtful.
Provide the child with tools to solve problems independently. For example, role-playing scenarios where they can learn to negotiate and take turns can be helpful.
If they have conflicts with siblings, guide them to ask for respect politely and firmly, promoting a positive sibling relationship. Instead of intervening every time, encourage them to resolve conflicts on their own.
There are times when children should notify an adult, specifically if someone is being harmed, oppressed, or is in danger. Children need to comprehend the distinction between tattling and telling for the sake of safety and well-being.
Teaching Tattling vs. Telling
Teach the child to think before reporting and consider whether the behavior they're about to report is harmful to someone else or themselves.
They should also think about whether the action was premeditated or unintended and whether telling will help fix the issue or just annoy or hurt someone.
Encourage the child to try to solve the problem on their own before coming to you. Highlight that telling should be desired to keep someone safe, not just get them into a problem.
Be patient, as young children may struggle to distinguish between dangerous and non-dangerous situations. Listen to them attentively and help them understand the nuances, reinforcing the importance of kindness and helpfulness over causing harm.
Related Article: Preschoolers Behavior: Common Challenges in Young Children and Approaches to Managing Them
