Scheduling sex is one of the best ways to prioritize intimacy between couples. According to a poll published by Netmums, six out of ten couples schedule sex to keep the flames of passion burning.
"Just as couples set aside time for meals, work and family activities, couples should schedule time for sex," deputy director of the Australian Research in Sex, Anthony Smith said. Licensed clinical psychologist Claire Nicogossian also mentioned that "scheduling and making sexual and emotional intimacy a priority for couples is healthy."
While some people think that scheduled sex is not as good as the spontaneous one, this is not a valid reason. Nicogossian explains that while this is a normal concern, the end result is the same - you're still having sex.
"The idea that desire is spontaneous (and that it is switched on like a light switch) goes against science," according to sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D. Waiting to have sex until people feel the desire goes against biology.
Instead, desire is responsive and requires arousal. In some cases, the actual physical act will be enough to trigger the mental state of wanting to have sex.
Kerner suggests that couples should start scheduling sex once a week since this improves overall relationship satisfaction. In many cases, the anticipation may also spark chemistry and even a little flirting, according to Huffington Post.
Nicogossian explains, however, that it is still important to add a little spontaneity to avoid the risk of making sex seem like a chore. Similarly, Kerner explains that couples can spice up how they have sex with variety.
"Just like the Food Pyramid, there are different categories of sex that you should be consuming regularly," says Kerner. Comparing sex to food, people need a balanced diet to consume all the nutrients.
For example, loving and tender sex enhances emotional intimacy while sex for the sake of sex relieves stress. There is also sex that uses the power of fantasy and sex that uses our different senses.
In many cases, unwanted sex can create anger, distrust and resentment. The differences in desire are also cited as one of the main reasons couples seek the help of sex therapists.
Scheduled sex, on the other hand, also helps when one partner wants sex more than the other, according to Empower Her. The schedule reassures the higher-desiring partner some lovemaking while reassuring the lower-desiring partner that it will only occur when scheduled.
