Parents often consider their daughters' penchant for eye-rolling as a sign of protest or rebellion. What they may not understand is that it could also mean self-control and respect.
Writing on the New York Times' Motherlode blog site, psychologist and author Lisa Damour explained that eye-rolling doesn't always imply that an adolescent teen is ready to engage in a lengthy word war with her parents.
She reasoned that an eye-roll helps children, especially young girls, keep their feelings under control. Citing a girl's recent break-up as an example, the psychologist said girls might do the ocular gesture to downplay their parent's emotionally sensitive question.
"Girls also use eye-rolling to communicate that an adult has crossed a line," Damour justified. "If parents hold irrational expectations, make arbitrary rules, or recruit shame when ordinary anger would do, girls sometimes stick up for themselves by rolling their eyes."
Rolling ones eye can also mean mute objection. When asked to clean their rooms or be appropriately dressed, daughters often roll their eyes as a way of saying "I don't agree with you, but let's not argue about it." Teens also do the eye-roll when parents tell them what they already know.
During a recent interview with The Star, Damour admitted that it's really hard for parents to understand what's going on inside their child's head. She theorized that most parents become scornful of their children because they feel rejected too.
"The other thing that happens, I think, is that a lot of parents feel like their kid broke up with them," she said. "Your 10-year-old thought you were great, your 11-year-old thought you were great and suddenly at 12 your daughter doesn't think you're so great anymore. And it hurts to have that happen."
Damour concluded that both parties should learn to understand one another. It's tough for adolescents to say goodbye to their childhood, but it's also difficult for parents to see their kids grow up so fast.
