Being the eldest sibling comes with a unique set of responsibilities and expectations. From a young age, oldest children often find themselves taking on roles that go beyond those of their younger brothers and sisters. This can shape their personalities and influence their relationships well into adulthood.
Oldest siblings often bring up several common themes in therapy sessions. Here are five common themes that emerge in therapy sessions with the oldest siblings, according to experts.
Perfectionism and High Expectations
Firstborn children typically face higher expectations from their parents. As the first child, they become the focus of their parents' aspirations and hopes. Parents, often inexperienced and anxious to do everything right, may set unrealistically high standards for their eldest child.
Additionally, eldest siblings are frequently expected to set a good example for their younger brothers and sisters. This responsibility can create an internal drive to excel in various aspects of life, including academics, behavior, and achievements.
Imposter Syndrome
People with imposter syndrome often believe they are not as capable as others perceive them to be and fear being exposed as fraud.
Eldest siblings often struggle with imposter syndrome due to a combination of factors related to their family dynamics, upbringing, and societal expectations. This may later lead to eldest siblings having rigid parenting styles, stricter upbringing methods, and difficulty acknowledging their own accomplishments.
'Parentification'
Parentification refers to a situation where a child or adolescent is obliged to take on responsibilities and roles typically reserved for adults within a family. There are two main types: emotional and instrumental.
Emotional parentification occurs when a child is expected to provide emotional support or manage the psychological needs of a parent or family member. Instrumental parentification, on the other hand, happens when a child is tasked with taking on practical responsibilities beyond their stage of development. For instance, taking care of siblings or handling household finances.
Parentification can lead to anxiety and depression, difficulty expressing emotions, feelings of guilt and shame, and constant worry and stress. It can also result to insecure attachment patterns and challenges in maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships.
Jealousy Towards Younger Siblings
Feelings of jealousy towards younger siblings are not uncommon among the oldest children. They might feel overshadowed by the attention younger siblings receive or perceive that their own needs are overlooked. Oldest siblings may also perceive a competition for material possessions and physical space in the home, especially if it appears the younger siblings are getting a larger share.
Struggles in Asking for Help
Firstborn children typically face higher expectations from their parents and themselves. As a result, eldest children may avoid seeking help to maintain their image of competence and strength. They may fear appearing weak or worry about burdening others with their problems. This reluctance can lead to isolation and increased stress.
