When married couples divorce, their children are torn in between shifts of mommy time and daddy time. Naturally, the kid will have mental notes of what it feels like to be with mommy and be with daddy. What if he/she begins to favor the other side and prefers to stay there more than his/her agreed home?
Parent Coach and The Washington Post columnist Meghan Leahy addresses this problem, especially this season when kids of divorced parents are usually sent to their dads for summer. A mom asks Leahy about her particular situation of which her daughter seems to prefer her dad's house more than their home. She explains that there are younger kids at her ex-husband's house while hers is quieter.
Leahy gives four thoughts and tips to ponder on for the concerned mom. The parenting coach implies that the situation is normal and there is no cause to worry about.
1. Be Confident With Your Position In Your Kid's Life.
"You are unique, and there is no one like you in her life," Leahy writes. There is no need for the mom to be insecure of the kid's dad because she has her own specific role to play in her daughter's life.
2. Understand Her Emotions And Allow Her To Feel Them.
Leahy emphasizes that it's the mom's decision on how she'll react to the kid's inclination to stay with her dad. It is always better to respond with understanding than be angry and worried about the natural and unchangeable flow of emotions.
"If she is sad about leaving her father, allow her to be sad. If she is bored without her siblings, allow her to be bored. If she is angry with you for being "boring," allow her to be angry," Leahy advises.
Eventually, when the kid's emotions are more stable, she would understand the situation. The understandable parent wins in the end.
3. Plan Activities That You And Your Daughter Will Enjoy.
There are tons of activities that the mom can enjoy with her daughter. They can try out a new sport, go shopping or eat food at restaurants they've never visited.
Nonetheless, Leahy warns about planning activities just to compete with the dad. In the end, if the mom plans these activities and the kid still prefers her dad's company, then it's the mom who'll get devastated. The mom should plan activities because she wants her daughter to be happy and for the kid to see how much she enjoys being with her.
4. Ask Yourself Again What Is The Cause of Your Worry
Leahy says that this may be more about the mom's insecurities than her daughter's feelings. She may be thinking that whatever she is giving her daughter is not enough to make her happy. Who knows, she might still be angry with her father. Leahy writes, "If you are insecure or worried, you are stealing from the now and also hurting your future."
In fact, it's good for the kid that she's enjoying the company of her dad even if she only gets to see him once in a while. This means that there is involvement of both parents, although divorced, in the child's life---which can be called as shared parenting.
Parent Herald reported the benefits of shared parenting. These includes the opportunity of the kid to keep in touch with both parents, the bond with both parents remains and even gets stronger, and both parents have an active participation in deciding about the child's welfare.
Another Parent Herald article reported that Missouri and other states had been discussing shared parenting laws. The law aims to allow each parent to spend equal time with their kid.
Do you agree with Leahy's tips on how to deal with a kid who prefers to stay more with mom than dad or vice versa? Do you agree that shared parenting is good for a kid with divorced parents? Share your thoughts on the Comments section below and follow Parent Herald for more news and updates.
Before anything else, watch the video below of a Jimmy Kimmel exclusive, asking kids who they prefer more between their mom and dad. Find out who gets the higher number of votes.
