Today, first-time parents are no longer afraid or worried when it comes to raising a child because experts' advice have become readily available through various resources such as books and articles published on the internet. But do you know what exactly is parenting?
In the United States, the term "parenting" was an anonymous word until 1958. As a matter fact, parenting reportedly became a common word in the '70s, as per the Merriam-Webster dictionary.
The Misguided Perspective On Parenting
Perhaps it's already a given fact that parents nowadays is more inclined of creating the "right kind of children," whose lives are shaped based on society's standard of adulthood. Unfortunately, University of California, Berkeley psychology professor Dr. Alison Gopnik said in her essay published on The Wall Street Journal that this particular perspective is "fundamentally misguided."
In addition, Gopnik also highlighted the fact that child-rearing has often been deemed as a "difficult human project," as children usually depend on their parents for a much longer time. That's why, human children need a lot of people to take care of them.
The Importance Of Extended Family And 'Alloparents' In Parenting
Aside from the misguided perspective on parenting, Gopnik also pointed out why extended families and alloparents aka unrelated helpers are essential in child-raising, as per Market Watch. Since humans often lived in extended family groups, parents are able to get help from relatives to take care of their kids while it's also a good training ground to practice one's skill in child-raising.
Parenting Vs. Being A Parent
In the article, Gopnik also stressed that the "implicit standard of parenting" is often based on the type of child parents create. But people can love or take care of kids better without thinking of it as a "kind of work."
"Instead of valuing 'parenting,' we should value 'being a parent,' Gopnik wrote. "Instead of thinking about caring for children as a kind of work, aimed at producing smart or happy or successful adults, we should think of it as a kind of love. Love doesn't have goals or benchmarks or blueprints, but it does have a purpose. Love's purpose is not to shape our beloved's destiny but to help them shape their own."
Gopnik also added that the "most important rewards" of being a parent do not come in trophies, good grades, graduations or weddings. Instead, it should come from each time of physical and psychological joy experienced, spent and shared with a child and vice versa.
Parenting Is Like Gardening
Gopnik also outlined the similarities between parenting and gardening. Instead of being a carpenter who aims to produce a particular type of person, caring for children is more like protecting and nurturing a garden.
"Caring for children is like tending a garden, and being a parent is like being a gardener," Gopnik said. "When we garden, we work and sweat and we're often up to our ears in manure. We do it to create a protected and nurturing space for plants to flourish. As all gardeners know, nothing works out the way we planned. The greatest pleasures and triumphs, as well as disasters, are unexpected."
In other related news on child-raising, parenting experts have warned that raising happy children is an unproductive perspective. As an alternative, parents should concentrate more on nurturing a child's physical, emotional, intellectual and social capabilities.
"Happiness is a worthy goal," Parenting Research Centre director Annette Michaux said, Sydney Morning Herald quotes. "But the danger is that it tends to flatten out all the other aspects of parenting that are very important."
So, how do we define parenting? Share your thoughts below and follow Parent Herald for more news and updates.
