Parents' perception towards their children is another factor that triggers children's decision on their career choices. When parents determine who among their children is good in academics and who is a better athlete, they unconsciously influence their children's decision making, parenting expert warns.
It is natural for parents to praise their children for their performance at school and at times compare them, especially if one excels and the other struggles. Unfortunately, comparing is not a good attitude.
Each child wants to make his or her own mark in the family. Kids do not want to be similar to their other siblings, that is why comparing does not work because in the first place the child does not want to follow his or her sibling's achievements.
In a report from Global News, according to Alyson Schafer, a Canadian author and parenting expert, when parents compare, it makes the siblings felt like they are competing against each other and they do not want it.
So, as much as possible, they cut the competition from the get-go. When parents get so excited with one of their children's academic performance, the other sibling lose his or her interest in the same matter.
Schafer's ideas follow the American research that suggests how parents perceive their children influence the course of their lives.
Alex Jensen, a Brigham Young University professor, said that aside from actual parenting, parents' belief in their children's potential may influence how their children would become, Global News reports.
Jensen said, "It's hard for parents to not notice or think about differences between their children, it's only natural. But to help all children succeed, parents should focus on recognizing the strengths of each of their children and be careful about vocally making comparisons in front of them."
A research by BYU and Penn State University examined almost 400 teens who are first- and second-born siblings. Their academic achievements were compared. Parents were then asked about the differences between their children.
For the most part, parents believe their eldest child do better in school. Except when the eldest was a boy and the second-born was a girl. In such case, parents find their second-born smarter, they believe girls are more competitive in school.
It turns out that the child, whom parents believed was smarter, tend to have higher grades.
Meanwhile, Jensen considered that perhaps parents think their eldest kids are smarter because they read first, write first and are doing more complicated subjects.
The study discovered a difference of 0.21 in GPA between the siblings. The difference is minute, but Jensen said over time it has the tendency to yield two siblings who are very different from each other.
Schafer encouraged parents to stop categorizing their kids because they are listening and are even reading between the lines. Children are developing a belief system about themselves and whatever their parents say about them gives them an idea about who they are, which could influence them on how they make decision for themselves.
"Praise can feel like judgment and ranking whereas encouragement is focusing on effort and improvement, regardless of your child's starting skill level. Focus on the energy put into the task - that leaves room for everyone to succeed," Schafer said.
