Giving gifts is a universal phenomenon in every country, culture and community. The extent or form of the gift giving may vary widely depending on social norms and personal preferences. One thing is certain, though. Most people enjoy receiving gifts, and indeed the pleasure extends to the giver as well, as the famous saying goes, "It is more blessed to give than to receive." Parents especially tend to love showering their children with gifts which will be met with squeals of delight on birthdays or holidays.
Material gifts are good and can bring much enjoyment, but it is the "invisible" gifts which usually make the most lasting and beneficial impression on our children. Giving ourselves and our time to our children can mean more to them than any expensive toy or trinket. Children are given to us as an amazing gift so that we in turn can give them our love and care, bringing them up as best we can.
As parents we have the opportunity everyday to influence our children either positively or negatively by the way we relate to them and by the kinds of gifts we give to them. The following are five "A-Plus" gifts which we as parents can give our children to help them reach adulthood in the best possible way.
The Gift of Acceptance
Acceptance means embracing our child as a vital member of the family who has an important role to play in our lives. If a pregnancy is unexpected and our initial reaction is a negative one, this can be experienced as unspoken (or spoken) rejection by the child. Also if we were hoping for a girl instead of a boy (or vice versa), this can leave a deep rooted subconscious feeling of rejection. In giving the gift of acceptance, we can speak out words of affirmation and encouragement, reassuring the child that they are wanted and loved.
Acceptance goes beyond words, though. Our loving words need to be matched by welcoming facial expressions and actions that say, "I'm glad you are here, my life is richer and happier because of you." When our children disappoint or frustrate us in some way, it is important to address the negative behavior specifically while still accepting the child as a person of value. Children who receive the gift of acceptance have a good chance of becoming loving and accepting towards others.
The Gift of Authenticity
Little children are extremely trusting and they will believe pretty much anything that an adult tells them -- which is why innocent children are often victimized. As parents, it is our huge responsibility to behave in a truthful and authentic way towards our children. If they discover that we have lied to them or deceived them in any way, it can be very difficult to regain their trust. I remember the awful moment when my children accidentally discovered my trinket box where I kept all their precious little milk teeth ... and the horror of realizing who the Tooth Fairy really was!
It is important for our children to hear us saying, "I'm sorry, I was wrong, please forgive me." If they don't ever hear it from us, how can we expect them to learn how to say it to others? If we never apologize we are unconsciously giving the message that, "I am always right." The gift of authenticity means that our children know who we are, and the person we are at home with them is exactly the same person out there in front of other people.
The Gift of Actualization
Actualization means developing into the person you were meant to be and becoming fulfilled, satisfied, contented and happy in your everyday life. The opposite is a miserable, frustrated, pessimistic and negative outlook. Our children look up to us as their parents to see what kind of future as adults they may be able to look forward to. If we can demonstrate to them on a daily basis that we are excited about life, learning and growing everyday in our own way, this will give them hope to do the same in their own lives.
Sometimes parents expect their children to fulfil the dreams they could not, whether academically or in the sporting field or career wise. This puts a huge and unfair burden on a child. My mother was always telling me how beautiful, clever and successful I was -- but deep down I knew that in her own life she felt like a complete failure. All I ever wanted was for her to feel positive and fulfilled in her own life and that would have given me the gift to enjoy my own actualization.
The Gift of Accountability
Accountability means that I am not alone, and it's not all about me. There is always someone else who is affected by my actions and behavior. By giving our children the gift of accountability, we teach them to respect others and to value integrity, especially when nobody's watching. Ultimately we are accountable to our Creator God who has given us all the gift of life.
An important part of learning accountability is experiencing definite consequences for our actions -- both positive and negative. We need to affirm our children consistently when they do the right, good and loving thing. And when they misbehave we need to implement the age-appropriate discipline, which we have explained and spelled out to them beforehand. In this way they can receive the priceless gift of accountability in which they learn that doing the right thing is always best.
The Gift of Altruism
The fifth A-plus gift we can give our children is altruism: that is reaching out to others and making a positive contribution to alleviate the need, pain or suffering of someone else. Outreach can be one of the most bonding experiences for a family to do together. Whether it is making sandwiches to give the homeless, or donating toys and clothes to the less fortunate -- there is always ample opportunity to give and to be a blessing to others.
The younger we start the better. It is amazing how open and generous most children are when they are encouraged to give. As we give the gift of altruism to our children, this world will become a little better, and they in turn will teach their children to do the same.
Toys and trinkets are all good for momentary fun, but these five A-plus presents are the real gifts that are going to stay with your children forever. These gifts will add value to their lives and will help them become good human beings in the future.
Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy, happy marriages. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, StumbleUpon, Google+ and Pinterest.
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