Are pushy parents making their children cruel? Surprisingly, the answer is yes. A recent study claims that parents who put too much pressure on their children will likely make them cruel, anxious and socially awkward.
According to the study done by researchers at Arizona State University, parents who value more achievements over social skills like kindness and compassion are actually harming the social development of their children. Their children would grow up to be anxious and depressed.
Furthermore, the result of the study shows that pressured children are likely to have low grades, prone to acting out in school, having learning problems and generally having a disruptive personality. These children also show signs of having low self-esteem.
Professor Suniya Luthar says that it is beneficial for children to have strong social skills and networks. But putting more focus on physical validation like high grades and extra-curricular honors has a bigger negative effect on the child's self-worth, thus leading to a more insecure, anxious and distressed kid.
The study also claims that there is a consistent correlation between school grades and the mental well-being of the children. It did not matter which parent or both parents are doing the pushing, the end result will still lead to a negative impact on the child's mental and social development.
The researchers do warn that they do not condone altogether, scrapping the value of achievements in academics. It is more of achieving the right kind of pressure and the right way to press a child in doing something well or doing something right.
The study, published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence, was conducted among 506 grade six pupils from high-income families. The students were asked to rank the top three things their parents think they should value more. Among the values to be ranked were about good grades, successful career, kindness, and decency. The ranked values were then compared to the student's academic performance and behavior in school.
Co-author of the study, Dr. Lucia Ciciolla says that putting pressure on children to do well is not bad in itself. It negatively affects the children when the emphasis of the parents overshadows values on personal growth, interpersonal connections and community well-being.
The key to make a child do well is about balance. "The more parents are able to balance their encouragement of personal success with the encouragement of maintaining kindness and personal decency, the more likely it is that children will do well," Dr. Luthar says.
