Co-parenting used to refer to the way divorced parents raise their kids. But it has since evolved into an understanding of how every situation within a family works, regardless if the parents are together or separated.
Children exposed to conflicting parenting styles -- where one parent is the good cop and the other is a bad cop -- can grow up in an unhealthy environment since discipline is inconsistent, according to New York Magazine. But what if both parents agree to the same principles in raising kids, with this principle involving co-parenting using harsh parenting strategies?
A recent study, which has been published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, reveals the effects of co-parenting using harsh parenting strategies. The researchers interviewed about 106 mothers and fathers regarding their perception of their partner's parenting style, their family dynamics and their child's behavior.
Of the respondents, it's mostly the mothers who value the idea of co-parenting or of having a shared perception of how to parent their kids. Mothers usually feel that they are good parents if partners support each other and have shared values or a similar direction on how they should raise their children. This context is defined as high-quality co-parenting, when the parents are in-sync.
However, some mothers also use harsh parenting techniques that are supported by the partner. Co-parenting still exists in this family dynamics in the technical sense. But is this the kind of co-parenting that's good for the child?
Don't spew angry harsh words to control your child. Eventually it will erode the relationship and lead to a less compliant child. #ouch
— Parenting on Purpose (@ParentingonPurp) December 13, 2016
When one parent disciplines the children through harsh parenting -- such as shouting or physical punishment -- and gets no intervention from the other parent, it hints of tolerance and enabling. It allows coercive parenting behavior to exist in the family, which could translate to the child.
But some mothers in the study expressed feelings of being undermined by their partner when they are using harsh parenting strategies. For them, this isn't co-parenting and partners having the opposite perceptions and values technically fall under low-quality co-parenting.
The problem, however, is that disruptive behavior in children isn't likely corrected in this type of environment. The study authors cite that one partner should always call out or challenge the other partner who manifests harsh parenting strategies, regardless if this highlights low-quality co-parenting.
"Low quality co-parenting in these families could be protective for children's behavioral development, both by showing children that it's not okay to act that way and by reducing their exposure," study co-author Dr. Bonamy Oliver said, according to Science Daily. In this case, it's better to oppose the other partner's disorderly behavior, if only to uphold a good environment for the child.
