The specifics on how to mend family estrangement is deeply discussed in a newly-published book by Karl Pillemer. The book is entitled Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them.
Its author, Pillemer is a Cornell sociologist who explained in his book, the reason why family estrangement occurs and how these can be healed.
His book is research-based and he conducted several interviews to understand this particular field.
Family estrangement in the United Stated
In the national survey that Pillemer conducted, he found out that about 27 percent of the U.S. population has an active family estrangement.
His survey asked 1,300 people.
According to the survey, those who live with an active family estrangement are also experiencing distressing.
Among 1,300 people surveyed by Pillemer, 100 people, who repaired their family rifts, were also interviewed.
The reasons for estrangement
In the research, the Cornell sociologist found out that there are several reasons why a person reaches a point of family estrangement.
Some of these reasons include:
- money and inheritance
- conflicts with in-laws
- difficult childhood
- harsh parenting
- favoritism (among parents)
- differences in values
- lifestyle discrepancies
- divorce
What are the effects of family estrangement?
Before knowing how to mend family estrangement, it would also be nice to know the effects of having family rifts.
According to Pillemer, family rifts can be devastating. Its consequences can create chronic stress for all of the family members. Later on, this type of stress can lead to depression and anxiety, or sometimes even physical health problems.
Also, there are instances when family members who have nothing to do with the rift become collateral damages.
How to mend family estrangement?
According to Pillemer, for most people who have experienced disagreeing with other family members that eventually led to a family rift, it is always better to call it a truce and to know how to mend family estrangement.
In the book written by the Cornell sociologist, here are some of the effective ways on how to mend estrangement:
Move forward.
By moving forward, this also means focusing on what will happen next and not bringing up past arguments. Knowing that your family members will see it your way will never help you move forward. Stop trying to insist on your point.
Consider the least thing that you can accept in the relationship.
You already know that the person you are having issues with is getting into your nerves. That is why, this time, try to focus on what makes being with her bearable. Some points to consider would be if you are willing to see them on a limited time or under controlled circumstances.
Set boundaries.
When reaching out to an estranged family member, you might also want to consider putting things in order. That means ensuring that they are already aware of the limitations in your relationship.
Reach out.
Build a bridge again. Check if the estranged family member is already willing to engage again.
