Good parenting should be rewarded, and bad behavior has its own corresponding consequences. But a mom shares what she learned from a psychologist-friend who gave her a science-backed tip on how to handle tantrums. Apparently, tantrums can be tamed with a hug. But would not a hug reinforce the tantrums? Quite the contrary.
Be the Grown-Up
The first tip for handling tantrums is not having a tantrum yourself which includes yelling, raising one's voice, hitting, and outbursts of anger. Patience and self-control are best taught through modeling these behaviors. Be the calm one and show restraint when the child is out of control.
Allow the Child to Express Their Emotions
The natural reaction to a tantrum-throwing toddler is to tell him to "stop crying" and proceed to putting him on time out. Such were the tactics of a mom-of-two who switched her strategy with her second child. It was around this time that the mom learned how to handle a tantrum from her psychologist-friend.
She learned to allow the child to express her anger as long as it did not hurt the child or others. Allowing young children to express strong emotions like anger can pave the way to firmer attachment, better self-control, and independence, Scary Mommy revealed.
The Heartbeat Hug
The psychologist-friend taught the mom to hug her child when the child was frustrated or upset. This should be done instead of scolding or even trying to reason with the child. Further, the child should be instructed to listen to their parent's heartbeat.
If the child is screaming, this technique works to keep the child quiet as it would be necessary to hear the heartbeat. In the process, the child's breathing also returns to normal. The mom said it worked when her child was still a toddler and even now when consoling a tween and teenager. A hug also keeps the parents from lashing out at the child.
Read also: New Normal: How to Hug Another Person Safely
Dr. Bob Bradbury, a Seattle-based professional who facilitated parenting courses, taught about interventions that would encourage a misbehaving child, who really is a discouraged child, Positive Discipline noted. He taught the principle of connection before correction, first building connection with a hug and then proceeding to correct the behavior.
Dr. Bradbury suggested that parents hug a child when the child has a temper tantrum. The father initiated the hug telling the child, "I need a hug," to which the child allows, melts in his father's arms, and said, "So did I."
The Science Behind Hugs for Tantrums
Scientists have gathered evidence to prove human heartbeats, and breathing can synchronize, Live Science revealed. Synchronized breathing and heartbeat can happen in close contact with each other. Further, synchronization happened when things were more calm-including during light and deep sleep. When there are high brain activity and REM sleep, this upsets the heartbeat and breathing synchronization.
Ultimately, maintaining self-restraint and being calm during your child's temper tantrum can prepare the parent to welcome the child's hug. Research shows parents and children synchronize not just breathing and heartbeats, but stress levels as well, Lifehacker revealed. So, it is wise not to get all worked up when a tantrum happens.
