A man could not contain his shock and concern after his wife asked him to pay her almost $50,000 if they were to have a child. He admitted not knowing what to do and sought help from the relationships subreddit on Reddit about it.
The post, which goes by the username @husbandmaybefather, has been deleted but was reshared by the Twitter account @redditships. The Independent reported that the Twitter post has since garnered more than 16,000 likes and thousands of comments.
A perfect match
The man said that they had been dating for the past six years. Two years ago, they were "spiritually married." He noted that they are not legally married and that he and his wife are common law married at this stage of the relationship.
He disclosed that he and his wife are high earners, getting more than $175,000 a year after tax, and they split all their finances 50-50. He said they comfortably own their home now, and they have enough to go to savings, investments, home improvements, and discretionary spending.
They both are highly independent and career-driven, which attracted him to his partner. They initially wanted to spend their first two years of marriage traveling but were limited by the COVID pandemic and lockdowns. The stay-at-home restrictions led them to open conversations about children.
The pregnancy and childbirth proposal
The wife recently requested that they discuss the financials of the baby. The man recalled the wife informing him that her workplace allows maternity leave for one year. However, it only provides 50 percent of her salary for up to six months. The remaining months will be unpaid.
She then told him to compensate her for the $50,000 she would lose during the six-month break from work, in addition to splitting any related but unexpected cost to pregnancy and childbirth. The man said she was doing it for them to start as a family, but he felt it was not true as their finances are separate, even if she got the money from him.
While the man acknowledged the logic in the proposal, he admitted that he was "really turned off" by the situation. He wrote that he felt like his wife asked him to pay her to have their child.
The wife gave him a 16-page ring binder that contained notes, explanations, a list of expenses, and notes including division of housework, plans for saving childcare, and a housekeeper. The husband noted the critical element in the agreement: the payment of $50,000 to $100,000 to compensate for his wife's salary loss for 12 months after birth.
The post indicated that his first reaction was in shock because the monetary amount is significant despite their salaries.
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Cautious in rejecting the proposal
The man said he was careful in turning down the proposal as he suspects that his wife is pregnant, and turning it down may have "real consequences." The wife had an abortion early on in their relationship. She did not tell him about it until a year later. She acknowledged that it is her body, and her making decisions independently makes him cautious now.
Many readers said that the wife's suggestion is fair considering that she will lose a significant portion of her salary on maternity leave. However, others agreed to the husband's concern over the agreement. Some were concerned that having a baby seemed just a sort of transaction. Others commented that the couple appears to be bracing for an inevitable divorce.
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