Mother's Day can be the most agonizing time for moms who miscarried a baby, and saying the wrong words to them could add to their pain. Here's how to acknowledge them without adding insult to injury.
1. Send flowers with a heartfelt note.
According to USA Today, flowers are the perfect last-minute Mother's Day gift. If you're sending a bunch to a mom who had a miscarriage, be sure to add a thoughtful note saying that she is in your thoughts. Though you might not need to greet her with a "Happy Mother's Day" directly, this gesture will help her feel that she has not been left out of the annual celebration just because she lost a baby.
2. Give her a call and be an active listener.
If you're the grieving mother's close friend, she will likely appreciate a call to ask how she's doing on Mother's Day. It might seem awkward at first, but the most important thing is to be present in the moment by lending her an ear, especially if she feels like talking about the baby loss.
When responding to her sentiments, Bustle advised avoiding "empty statements" like "It's God's will," "Heaven has an angel," or "It was not meant to be." Platitudes may sound helpful, but they will only make the grieving person feel worse.
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3. Visit the baby's memorial site.
Offer to bring mom to the baby's grave on Mother's Day to lay down some flowers. However, don't force her if she doesn't want to go. Trust that she will be ready one day. Better yet, ask her what she really wants to do for Mother's Day. If she prefers to spend the day alone, respect her boundaries but let her know where to find you if she changes her mind.
4. Never disregard her pain.
Mothers who have lost a baby but still have surviving children aren't in any less pain. So, telling them, "at least you still have your other babies," might be the worst thing to say to a grieving mom.
That's how Melissa King felt after hearing those words from a well-meaning friend following her miscarriage. Speaking with 7 News, King said that the person who told her this didn't mean to sound offensive, but since the friend did not have any experience with miscarriage, she was also not aware that such a statement is "quite harmful."
Having other kids will not replace the baby that gets to survive, so Mother's Day will feel incomplete for moms who miscarried.
5. Have the other kids participate in making mom happy.
For husbands or partners, involve the other kids in preparing mom's gift. You can sit down together and create a memory box to fill with items that mom will love, such as letters from the children, handmade jewelry designed by the older kids, or some printed family photographs.
