Lily Allen opened up for the first time about her miscarriage, speaking to The Sun on Sunday.
Allen, 28, lost her first child with husband Sam Cooper when she was six months pregnant due to septicemia. The miscarriage, which occurred in November 2010, left the singer feeling "numb."
"It was horrendous and something I would not wish on my worst enemy. It's something that I still haven't dealt with ... But it's not something that you get over," Allen said, according to The Independent.
The condition posed a threat to Allen, who says she was too consumed by her loss to worry about herself.
"I held my child and it was really horrific and painful - one of the hardest things that can happen to a person ... I nearly died. But I was numb and I didn't care. I'd just lost my baby and that is a reflection of how numb I was."
This was Allen's second miscarriage, which in this case was technically a preterm delivery because it happened after the 20th week. Her first miscarriage occurred at four months in 2008 with ex-boyfriend Ed Simmons of the Chemical Brothers.
Of the nearly 6 million pregnancies each year in the United States, about 15 percent end in miscarriage, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Allen has since given birth to two daughters - Ethel, 2, and 15-month-old Marnie. Still, she says she will never forget her would-be son.
"We've got a little stone in our garden with his name on. And lots of different things that I do, rituals, I have him in my mind."
Allen opened up about her loss, and her battle with bulimia, in the documentary "Lily Allen: Rags to Riches," which aired March 15 on Britain's Channel 4.
"I used to vomit after meals," she said of her eating disorder, according to ABC News. "It's not something I'm proud of."
Allen and Cooper started dating in 2009. According to the singer, he kept her from "self-medicating with alcohol and whatever else."
After a four-year hiatus, Allen has returned to making music.
