Mother daughter conflict can be troublesome for the family-you never know which side to pick. But, conflicts like these can go on even when the daughter grows up. At times, the strain worsens making it seem almost impossible to get a few minutes of decent conversation without conflict arising. But what are the root causes that explain why mother and daughter conflicts happen?
Mother Daughter Conflict Rooted in Generations of Sociocultural Norms
Where generations of women in the family have been known to follow in the footsteps of their mother and take the apron to care for the home and family in the stead of the matriarch, conflict can happen when the next generation fails to continue the tradition. To better understand mother daughter conflict sometimes means mapping the mother-daughter history throughout generations as Counseling Today did.
When the next generation disagrees with the gender-specific role passed on to her from generations of women in the family, it can put a strain on the mother daughter relationship.
The Need to Control Puts a Strain on Mother-Daughter Relationship
As the daughter grows up longing for independence, the mother may try to force upon her expectations that are, again deeply set in multi-generations. But the desire to control the daughter can make the younger generation feel inadequate and helpless. What happens next is a constant power struggle that can last an entire lifetime.
Unmet Needs Bred by Lack of Communication
Both the mother and the daughter may feel unseen and unheard in the relationship. Yet, neither is able to clearly communicate their feelings and needs with empathy towards each other. They fight to get the attention and support they need even if at the expense of the other. Because of this, mothers may resort to manipulation of the daughter's emotions, and the daughter may feel like she needs to be a mind reader to keep her mother happy, Moms revealed.
They Do Not Agree to Disagree
Both parties have to understand that they do not always need to have the same opinion about everything. They need not see eye to eye all the time. As women are naturally more talkative, mothers and daughters tend to end up talking too much which can lead to a difficult conversation that may be verbally abusive. Instead, mothers and daughters in conflict should focus on activities that develop their bond.
Mother Tries to Live Her Dreams Through Daughter
When a mother has pent-up hopes and desires she was not able to achieve because of motherhood, among other things, she may have her hopes placed on her daughter bringing those dreams to fulfillment. The mother may no longer respect that her daughter has her own dreams and should be able to choose for herself which dreams to follow.
Resistance Towards Acceptance
The mother and daughter conflict can be avoided and the mom daughter relationship repaired when these women learn to accept each other's identity and respect their opinions and upbringing, among others. It can be extra difficult when the daughter will initiate acceptance of individuality. Instead of trying to change one's personality and thoughts, accepting the other person while putting up boundaries of your own can save the mother and daughter relationship.
