There are moms who were given the gift of becoming the biological mothers of their children. There are also those who were given with another type of gift, that gift of caring for other people's biological sons or daughters through adoption. While this method of parenting has been accepted by society, there are still some people who can become insensitive when meeting adoptive parents or kids and tend to ask this one question that hurts -- "What about their real mom?"
Many parents who chose to adopt children can virtually take any question thrown their way. But to ask them about the "real mom" of the child that they have nurtured and cared for years, is like an arrow that hits straight to the depths of their hearts.
She Knows illustrated the woes of a parent who chose adoption. She has three children; one of them is her own biological child, and the other two are adopted. Since the adopted children are Asians, she is usually confronted with the question about their real mom.
According to Jill Robinson, asking a question as to who the real mother of the children is like questioning the authenticity of their relationship as a family. Sometimes, such an insensitive question brings them to conversations that should happen organically at a time when the children are ready for it -- taking into consideration the various times by which adoption topics may be safely told to children as illustrated by Parents.
For Jill, she is the mother of her three children. She is the real mom. She does all the things that mothers do such as picking up the LEGO of her kids, making them their lunches, kissing them goodnight and listening to their endless stories. Being the adoptive parent does not make her less of a real mother to her adopted children.
One piece of advice Jill mentioned with regards to questioning adoptive parents about adoption is to avoid asking about the "real mother" question. It is better to simply throw parents a smile and say, "You have a beautiful family."
